Feign
by Kaede Yuki
Summary: Dee has a secret, a dark secret he has been hiding from Ryo. And Ryo was dying to find out the reason behind his strange behaviour. Will he ever find out before it's too late? Dee & Ryo fic. Last chapter posted! 09012006 Please R&R!
1. Default Chapter

Prologue:  
  
Blood and repulsively disintegrated cadavers was all he could see each time he closes his eyes to sleep. For some reason, - God knows what, Ryo just couldn't drift into sleep like he used to, especially after working two days straight off his ass on a case. Moreover, it wasn't as if it was his first encounter with the red fluid that runs through the veins in a human anatomy. But something in the recent case daunted the half- Japanese even in his dreams.  
Ryo had actually lost count of the times he tossed and turned on his side of the bed since he turned in that evening. Frustrated with kicking and wrestling with the blanket, the man finally bolted up, sighing in aggravation. Ruffling his blond tresses, he stifled a yawn as a cup of hot cocoa came into mind. But in the midst of imagining the hot cup of drink draining down his throat, the sleepy jet black eyes abruptly widen as chill crept up his spine, waking him in every way when it finally struck him that his partner/sleeping companion/lover was not at least disrupted by his restlessness. Worse yet, Dee wasn't even in bed.  
Stretching over to feel the other side of the bed, the man noted how cold it felt. Unquestionably, Dee was up for quite some time and yet, throughout the sleepless night, Ryo wasn't even aware he was gone. Maybe his mind was a little preoccupied but he had always been a light sleeper. The slightest movement would trigger his mental alarm system, instantly waking him from even the sweetest dream. So, how the hell did Dee manage to leave the room without waking the 'sleeping' figure next to him? The thought alone made Ryo queasy in the stomach. Knots were forming by the time he called out for him but no reply came back.  
"Dee?" he tried again, slightly louder than before but not loud enough to wake the blond teenage boy in the next room.  
Eyebrows knitted in perplexity. It wasn't in the other man's nature to stir before the sun is positioned somewhere around 90 degrees in angle above the roof. Being on familiar terms with the younger man, Dee doesn't walk in his sleep. So, where on earth could he be at such an untimely hour?  
'Could he be having the same distraught thoughts?' a theory came into mind. Under common circumstances, Dee would be cool and level-headed about homicide cases and it wouldn't stop him from sleeping like a log, irregardless of the level of gruesomeness at a crime scene. But it had to be the first time anyone has seen the color on the face of the dark-haired man, drained pallid at a crime scene. The whiteness on his face was almost terrifying, so petrifying that Ryo nearly shipped him to the hospital together with the corpse in the ambulance.  
If Ryo hadn't known better, he would have come to a conclusion that Dee might have known the deceased, - but he didn't. In fact, in the following two minutes, all Dee did was mumble to himself. Either way, Dee has been acting strange since the afternoon. Instead of adding sugar into his cup of coffee, he threw in two spoonful of salt; and rather than lighting a cigarette, he toyed with the platinum lighter in his hand till he accidentally burnt his index finger. Above all, despite the slapdash smile of his, the flaxen man wasn't all that convinced that Dee was being his usual self.  
Ambling to the door, Ryo pushed away the thought, 'There's no point worrying about that blithe man. He's probably feeling a little distracted. He'll be...' But the thought faded into oblivion the instant he heard the other man's voice faintly from beyond the door. Opening the door ajar in silence, not wanting to startle him, he saw Dee standing out in the balcony with the windows wide open, - talking to the other person on the other end of the line with burning fury.  
"...I don't want to hear any of this! Hell with it, Raven!! I don't want to be a part of your goddamn plans. Just leave me alone like you did for the past five years!! ... Damnit, Raven!! Don't you dare drag Jacq into this... I'm warning you..." his tone was dangerously low as the last few words escape his lips, - almost threatening, it sounded. Obviously, whomever he was talking to, Dee was enraged by him. It wasn't too often seeing Dee this angry. The last time Ryo remembered seeing Dee this infuriated was the time Penguin's orphanage was blown up.  
Still listening in silence, Ryo wasn't making out heads or tails to any of the words Dee had said.  
"Look, Raven. For the last time, I'm not going back into the pits of darkness. Look, I'm sick and tired of arguing about this with you! I feel even sicker each time you call reminding me about the past!... When I left five years ago, you gave your word ... Damn it, Raven! It makes no different now or then! It's all the same!! Don't you dare back on your words now!... Since when do you give a fuck about what the Elders have to say?! I don't give a damn about life back then. I don't even care how luxurious it was or how rich we were. No matter what you say, I'm not going back to that inhumane life!! ... God, what do I have to do to make you understand?! I have a life now, a life worthy of living... Though it isn't much... yes..." he sighed in defeat, "... incomparable to the how much I make in the past, but at least I earned it, - every sweat and blood of my own... Yes, I know the consequences of my decision. I will not back from my stand now. But forewarning Raven, if our paths ever cross, I will not hesitate again..." Dee pulled away his cell phone and cut the call hastily from being persuaded further.  
Never had Ryo ever seen Dee's smoke-green eyes glint so beautifully under the moonlight. It was as though a burning fury was flaming inside of him, - something that made Dee completely irresistible, yet so distant. Ryo swallowed hard down his dried throat. The attraction of the other man was a test of Devil's temptation.  
Absentmindedly, or should he say, oblivious under Dee's charms, Ryo knocked over the coffee table when his legs indistinctively drew the distance between them closer.  
"Ite..." he cursed under his breath that caught the other man's immediate attention.  
"Missing me already?" Dee teased, boring his usual smirk.  
"No," Ryo replied with a frown, " But I didn't hear you wake up."  
"I didn't want to wake you," he replied as he stepped back into the parlor, "...I know you had a tough day and your sleep wasn't quite pleasant..." smirking at the sight of astonishment on Ryo's face, Dee gestured his hands for the other man to join him on the couch, "Don't think that I didn't notice those tossing and turning. I know you have a lot in mind..."  
Ryo cut him of abruptly, "I should be the one saying that, Dee... I know something is bothering you, but you're not going to tell me, are you?"  
Staring into the pitch black eyes, Dee's dark olive green eyes lowered, bearing seriousness on his face, "Promise one thing, Ryo. Don't ask."  
"How can I 'don't ask'?! You've been acting strange these two days and have you any idea how worried I am?" shades of dark crimson crept up his cheeks when he realized that he caught himself too late from saying too much regret in his heart.  
"That's why I don't want you to ask. I don't want you to fret over my problems,"  
Throwing his arm around the other man, embracing him protectively, as he blurted through constrained tears, "What do you mean 'your problems'?! I'm your partner, I deserve to know!"  
"The more reason why you shouldn't know about it...Look, Ryo. My problems...it isn't as easy as it seems,"  
"God, Dee!!" Ryo yelled softly with frustration as he pulled apart, "It's not like you to hide something from me! If it is that hard, tell me and we'll get through it together!"  
The younger man's eyes softened but he couldn't hide the sadness reflected in them, "Maybe someday...someday when all of this is over, I'll tell you all about it."  
Ryo was dumbfounded. Something was seriously wrong with Dee and he was dying to know, - so desperate that his heart was throbbing painfully against his rib cage. The tears on the verge of his eyelids were practically begging the dark-haired man to kiss away his fears, because right now, Ryo was feeling awfully vulnerable owing to a dreadful intuition. Not even Martians invading Earth or deadly epidemic diffusing could strike as much fear in the man's heart as much as losing Dee. 


	2. My Daughter

Author's note: This is my first ever fic. Yoroshiku onegai-shimasu. Please R & R. Domo arigatou, minna!! ^^ But before that, I don't own FAKE nor do I own Dee, Ryo, J.J, Ted, Drake...etc...  
  
Chapter One: My Daughter  
  
Breath-taking... mesmerizing... enchantingly beautiful, - the words that crossed his mind the moment the first ray of the rising sun pierced through darkness and into his greyish-green eyes. It was by far the most beautiful scene Dee has ever seen in all his life, yet; he stood there ruefully smiling at himself for not realizing it before. There are only a handful of things in life that could catch his attention and only a certain half-Japanese officer could steal his heart away. Sentimentally, he noted in the messed-up head of his with a weary thought, 'If ever I live up to the day of my retirement, I'll be watching the sunrise with him everyday till the end of life.'  
"Dee?" arousing from the depth midst of his feelings, the raven- haired diverted his attention to his lover, who had been sleeping on the couch, - with a smile as he greeted, "Morning. Slept well?"  
Picking up his weighing head, Ryo groaned inwardly as a reply just as a splitting headache seized him.  
"I guess not," Dee muttered to himself as he hurried to his side.  
"That is what two... three if last night is taken into account, - sleepless night do to your head," he said as he reclined his lover back on the couch.  
"God, my head hurts like hell," Ryo moaned.  
"I'll get you an aspirin," Dee offered.  
"Dee..." he called out, catching his wrist firmly and pulling him close enough for the older man to lock his gaze in the eyes of the man whom he had once refused to acknowledge as his lover despite his heart calling out for him more than he ever would.  
The subject last night was yet to be answered and the questions were still swimming in his head. But instead of pouring out his apprehension like a kid throwing tantrums, words just got caught in his throat. Worse yet, words that slipped through his lips weren't exactly what he had in mind. He just knew that he had to say something to cover the awkward gawk on his facial expression, "...You hardly slept yourself. How is it possible for you to survive the splitting headache?" 'Way to go, Ryo! Excellent opening! Why don't you just knock yourself out by asking him how's the weather today?' mocked his inner devil conscience sardonically.  
"It was just something I have gotten accustomed to over the years," he replied, releasing himself from the grasp of the man he loved with all his life and busied himself around the kitchen looking for the first-aid kit.  
"Dee, what I really meant was..."  
"I know exactly what you mean," he replied as he walked back into the parlor with a glass of water in his hand. Instead of handing the pills or the water to Ryo, Dee took a large sip and without prior notice, popped two aspirins into the other man's mouth before lunging forward, pressing his lips against the other's, - allowing the water to flow from his mouth into the other man's.  
Dee's ever sadistic grin came into sight which brought a slight relieve to the fair-haired man, - as though the weight of the world has been lifted from him. He had never thought he'd be saying this but he was glad to see the trademark smirk of his. It was like an unsaid assurance that Dee was Dee.  
Pulling back from the kiss and sweet embrace, "Well, better get changed," Dee articulated, patting the other man lightly on the shoulders as he headed for the room they had been sharing for over a year. The minute the door closes behind him, the smile wavered hesitantly and grave expression bore on the charming face of his. Slumping with his back against the door, ambivalence graveled the man as the question repeatedly plays over his head, 'Am I doing the right thing?'  
Simple as it sounds, Dee was more of avoiding the question than resolving the matter, ever since the incident at the crime scene. It was sheer coincidental that he should stumble upon 'them' again. If he had knew beforehand, he would opposed greatly the moment they were designated to take up the case or worse yet, - vanish from the face of the Earth than to face 'them'.  
He was neither spiritual nor a believer despite growing up in an orphanage of God, - for if he were; he would have been dead on the streets years ago. Thus, all these years, he had never resigned to fate, let alone, allows others to determine his course of life. But now... he was running away from 'them', running away from the cruelty of fate that was deteriorating the barrier he had put up from breaking into wounded areas in his heart where his dark past are lied. If it should happen, Dee dreaded what would become of him, feared of facing the world again, but worst of all was the trepidation of what Ryo might think of him. Life with his other half has been going... smoothly? (not with Bikky bouncing about) favorably? ('I think not...' Ryo was still reluctant to admit his feelings for the other man though his every move were obviously indicating his affection more than mere friendship or partnership, for that matter) Acceptable would be a more neutral word to define their relationship. Dee couldn't just jeopardize all that feelings mounted over the year because of his past have returned to haunt him.  
But he knew better than to go against 'them'. 'They' were known for obtaining everything they want, whether willingly or forcefully. And if it is Dee 'they' want, thus 'they'll' stop at nothing to get him, - even if it mean hurting the people he cared most. Times like this make him chew over his persistence for starting a sexual commitment with Ryo in the first place.  
The man he left in the parlor was the only reason he... God, if only he weren't such a bastard... if he hadn't forced Ryo into loving him when he never wanted it in the first place... if he weren't so naïve, believing that everything will be okay and all...  
"Life would be a much brighter place if I hadn't existed... Ryo would happily be involved with the woman he loves rather than being 'harassed' by a bisexual like me..." Dee muttered as he covered his face with his hand in shame.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Yo, Ryo! Where's Dee?" Ted asked as he popped his head into the department. Ryo's brows twitched in annoyance at the question being thrown at him. Customarily, he would retort sarcastically, "How the Hell should I know?" or "I'm not his nanny". But this morning since they set foot into the precinct, Dee had excused himself and had not made his 'grand appearance' yet.  
"Dee? I saw him in Chief's office. But I would advise not to step anywhere near that premise," Drake replied glumly as he busied himself searching for a file from his over-chaotic desk.  
"What? He's still in there?!" J.J exclaimed frowningly.  
"What do you mean he's still in there?" Ryo asked with a raised eyebrow.  
"Well, I was in a discussion with the Chief when Dee came bursting in this morning demanding to speak to Chief in private. And with that, I was kicked out of the office, - literary," J.J replied emphasizing with exaggeration.  
"What the heck?! There's a girl outside waiting to see him... Hey, Ryo. Could you just go out there and tell little miss petite that her 'Monsieur Laytner' is not free at the moment? Rose got me running up and down the precinct looking for old archives that could be related to the case," Ted complaint.  
"'Monsieur Laytner'? She's French?" Ryo repeated skeptically.  
"I didn't know Dee was two-timing you," Drake remarked ironically as he nudged Ryo in the rib.  
Ignoring the 'uo's and 'ah's around the office, Ryo stood from his seat, "I'll talk to her."  
"Great! She's the one with the black French hat and green off-shoulder shirt. She's hard to miss," Ted rushed off after giving a short description of her. But what Ted failed to mention was how old she was for, the whole gang of the crime investigation unit dashed to the front desk to have a peek at the French doll.  
Ryo rolled his eyes as he followed behind only to have his eyes widen in shock, like the rest of them when they laid eyes on the French doll. The girl was no older than twelve years old and she had the guts to walk into a police station to look for an officer.  
"Do you think that she's a prostitute?" J.J asked absentmindedly, earning a thump on the head from Ryo.  
"Not every woman that comes through our door are of the same kind," Ryo snapped back as he stepped forward, leaving the small crowd hiding behind a corner.  
"Um... excuse me; are you looking for Detective Dee Laytner?" Ryo asked politely at the girl, who stared back at him as though he was speaking a language she doesn't know. But she blinked from the glare and blushed.  
"Yes, I'm looking for Monsieur Laytner. Is he in?"  
"I'm sorry. Dee's in the Chief's office. Perhaps you could leave your name and contacts, and pass it to him later,"  
With a fallen chest, the girl sighed, "Is that so? My name is Jacqueline, Jacqueline Chateaubriand. Just tell him I dropped by."  
"I'll tell him that..."  
"Thank you. You're very kind, officer...?"  
"MacLean, Randy MacLean,"  
"Monsieur MacLean, thank you again. I will be taking my leave now. Sorry for taking your time,"  
"...er...Miss Chateaubriand, the streets of New York isn't quite the safest place on Earth. Why don't I send you to your destination?" Ryo offered.  
Stopping in her steps, the girl turned her head and with query in the knitting of her brows, she sort of stormed up to him and looked him straight in the eye, "You're part oriental, Monsieur MacLean?"  
"Japanese. Is it that obvious?" Ryo replied, blushing hard.  
"It is in the eyes. Monsieur Laytner had once said that to know a person, look into his eyes. The eye will not lie,"  
Startled for a moment, Ryo snapped back from reminiscing the first time he met Dee, "I see."  
"Well then, I bid you adieu," and with that, the French girl was out of sight as soon as she walked out the door.  
Hurrying to pester Ryo for information, the gang gathered around him asking, "Who was that?"  
"That is what I like to know myself. Besides her name is Jacqueline Chateaubriand, I haven't the slightest clue who she is,"  
  
"What are you going to do about it?" Chief Smith asked, leaning back on his seat as he lit a cigarette.  
"What can I do about it? Chief, I'd rather die than to go back there," Dee persisted.  
"But 'they're' not going to let you go just like that. Not especially after Raven, the big man himself called to ask for your presence,"  
"When did 'they' ever let anyone slip past their grasp?" Dee rhetorically asking in return.  
"Does Randy know about 'them'?"  
"No..." pausing to light a cigarette, the young detective had rather concentrate his attention towards the azure blue sky than to look at the Chief, eye to eye, "He's been asking... more of a demanding though, but all the same. It makes no different. He wants to know but I couldn't bring myself to tell him. A part of me feared the loss I will have to face if I had told him everything about 'them'..."  
"But you can't hide 'them' from him forever. It is either you tell him yourself or he discovers it himself,"  
"You don't have to remind me... I know very well that there'll be a day I have no choice but to tell him. But until then, for as long as it takes, I'll try to keep him out of harm's way,"  
"You do know of the possibility that they come after Randy just to get to you?"  
"One of my biggest fear, actually. I'm trying the very best I can to stay close to him, - at least close enough to protect him. But if matter goes out of hand..." Dee hesitated warily, "...if anything drastic comes as close as to hurting Ryo, I'll leave..."  
"You're going to give into 'them'?" "Hell, no!! As I said before, I'm not going back there. But if keeping a distant will keep Ryo out of danger, I will. I will go to great extend if 'they' ever hurt him, so much so that I'll stake my badge if I have to... So, if I ever cross over the line, shoot me if that is all it takes to stop me... Ryo's an excellent marksman; he could take me out without hitch,"  
"Don't let anyone catch you saying that," Chief warned, "Besides, you think it's that easy to take the life of a partner?"  
Not waiting for Chief to continue, Dee cut in with a grave expression across his face, "It could not be easier..." The words came out as whispers but not inaudible enough to stop the Chief from overhearing.  
"We're not talking about Alex here, are we? Goddamnit, Dee!! We're talking about Randy MacLean here!! The guy has feelings and one would have to be blind not to see it. He's not going to shoot you just like that, just so you know,"  
"I know. But by then, he'll have no choice but to shoot. Because when that moment of truth comes, he will realize that I have crossed over the line, from being the law to breaking the law. I would have become a felon, guilty of crimes, and as an officer, Detective MacLean will have to obey direct instruction to take me out..."  
Utterly speechless, Chief's jaws dropped in silent as the dark-haired detective walked over to the other side of the desk to pat the old man on the shoulder reassuringly, "Don't worry, Chief. When that day comes, I'll not resist or even hide, for that matter. I'll make sure he gets a clean shoot through that thick skull of mine."  
Although thoughts were forming in his head, Chief couldn't find the courage to voice them out, - fearing that what he had to say might just come true in the end.  
A light rapping on the door snapped them back to reality as Dee hurried back over the desk while Chief straightened in his seat, "Come in."  
"Chief..." Ryo greeted as he entered, "I was just wondering if you're done discussing matters with Dee."  
"Done... all done," Dee replied, glancing over to Chief. "Well then, ... there was a girl at the front desk looking for you, Dee," Ryo announced.  
"A girl?" Dee scratched his head comically.  
"Dee, what did I warn your sad excuse of a brain 'bout bring love affairs to the station?" Chief reprimanded.  
"What girl? Is she still there?" Dee asked, ignoring the old man.  
"No, she had left a while ago. But she left a name,"  
"Oh?"  
"She said her name was Jacqueline Chateaubriand,"  
Chief nearly spitted out the coffee he was about to drink at the exact moment Ryo mentioned the name. Without say a word, Dee dashed past his partner and out to the front desk, but the girl was no longer in sight.  
'Jacq? She was here?' Dee questioned his mind as if it sounded absurd to logical thinking.  
Back in the office, Chief leaned forward to support his weighing head with his hand as he shook in defeat, "First, Raven. And now, Jacqueline? What are they going to do next? Send Alex?" he whispered.  
"Chief? Do you know something about Dee's acquaintances?" Ryo tried to pursue. "I..." Chief hesitated, "... I don't know."  
But evidently, it was a lie. Ryo wasn't the least convinced that Chief doesn't have a share in the secret that Dee was hiding from him. What? Is he the only one who doesn't know about it? Some kind of conspiracy that he wasn't allowed to know? Anger was boiling in him at the thoughts.  
"Randy..." the Chief called out, startling Ryo from his thoughts.  
"Yes, Chief?"  
"If...let's just say 'if'... If one day Dee gets into a hot soup and he runs down a dead end that forces him to choose a prohibited path, being an officer, will you take him out?"  
The young detective narrowed his eyes dangerously at the implication, "Take him out as in shoot him?"  
Not being able to return a reply, Ryo assumed that he was right, "Chief... Is there something in that statement that implies about Dee?"  
"I'm not making any allegations here. It's just a query out of curiosity. Nothing more,"  
"Well, wherever you got the idea from, I haven't the slightest clue. But Dee's a good cop. Despite the careless idiot he is at times, he's a righteous officer," Ryo defended.  
"I know he is...I just hope that he remains that way,"  
  
"Dee! Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you!" Ryo exclaimed when his lover finally walked through the door to their department.  
"I... I've been out," he replied in short, not wanting to explain anything in detail. But right now, Ryo couldn't be more bothered because ...  
"Dee, grab your coat. Another murder took place 2nd Ave. Initial investigations believes that the MO might have something in common with the one before," he said briefly.  
Eyes widen with alertness, "When did it happen?"  
"The victim was found dead in his apartment by his girlfriend an hour ago,"  
Hastily, Dee grabbed his dark trench coat and dashed out before Ryo could say another. The blond man's brows creased exasperatingly at the attitude his partner was giving him.  
'He'd better not freak out like the last time,' Was that a sarcasm or a thought of concern, - Ryo can't even tell. He was too angry with Dee to tell the difference between criticism and anxiety.  
  
"So, what do you have for us?" Ryo asked the coroners in-charged, - customarily Dee's part of the job but since he was busy scanning around for God-knows-what, the fair-haired man took the lead.  
"The deceased...." Before the coroner could even get to the point, Dee interrupted them crudely, "The victim died because of massive blood loss, presumably by the delicate cut around the throat. Though its appearance could hardly tell, the cut runs deep. Through autopsy, you'll find that the scratch we referred to as 'delicate cut' not only scraped the skin, it incised fatally onto human's vital points. The murder weapon we're looking for is a surgical knife, for only surgical knives are light in touch and sharp on cuts."  
"Well then, Laytner. Why don't you just save a bundle by telling us who is the killer, because the way you described it, it's hard not to believe that you weren't the one who did it," mocked the coroner, Mac.  
"I'm just familiar with the MO, you dickhead," Dee snapped back.  
"Fine, whatever. Our job here's done. If you need anything, why don't you just ask Laytner? He knows practically everything. He probably even knows the killer," Mac bit back gruffly at Ryo.  
The other detective threw his head back in defeat. For no good reason, he had just become the punching bags of the two assholes as they tried to bite each other's head off.  
"Care to explain how the hell did you know about the MO?" Ryo asked after holding up silent anger for a minute.  
"What do you mean?" Dee asked innocently as he flipped through the victim's possession for possible evidence.  
"Dee, don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about," he warned dangerously.  
"What?!" the other detective asked offensively, "Isn't it the same as the one before?"  
"No, Dee, it isn't. In the previous case, the victim was slashed to death. Though both shared the similarities of dying due to blood loss through open wounds, - last time, it was a sword that killed that man, not a surgical knife,"  
Dee blinked back for a split second before noting the mistake he made. Biting his tongue, "Ryo...look, I'm sorry. It's just that I've been on the edge lately..."  
"Dee, will you stop torturing yourself? Stop tormenting me? For Pete's sake, will you just tell me what's going on?!"  
"Ryo... I can't." "Why the friggin' hell not?!"  
"You'd be..." Dee's eyes widen in shock when his diverted concentration spotted a little girl where the crowd stood.  
"Jacq!!" running off after her, Dee was totally oblivious that Ryo's anger has hit the roof of his head.  
"Dee!!" he yelled after him.  
"I'll explain everything to you tonight!" the other man shouted back over his shoulder but never slowed down on his pace in his chase after the French girl.  
Everyone who knew Ryo knew very well to keep five feet away from that man that day. It was as if he was a walking time bomb waiting to explode. And they could pretty well guess who was responsible for it, - a certain detective by the name of Dee Laytner.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Staring blankly at the four concrete walls, silence overwhelmed the apartment. Ryo regretted the moment he told Bikky to sleep over at Lai's, because if it was Bikky, he would take the given opportunity to do what he does best, - making an appearance in the juvie department, waiting for him to bail the little man out. But he knew better to keep Bikky in the house. He was going to explode and it's all thanks to Dee. Never in his life had he been so mad at someone to the extend wanting to strangle him alive.  
'Riinngg.... Riiingg...' rang his doorbell. Getting up lazily from the couch, Ryo unlatched the door without even taking a glance through the peephole.  
"Come in..." he said, which sounded more of a groan then a greeting. He knew too well who was at his doorstep, for it is only 'he' that comes at such a time. But what he weren't expecting was another guest.  
"Ryo... there's someone I want you to meet," Dee said uncertainly as he ushered the girl standing behind him to step forward. Ryo swallowed hard as he cursed his impoliteness.  
"Miss Chateaubriand! How nice to meet you again," the man greeted as courteous as he could.  
"Monsieur MacLean, it's a pleasure to see you again,"  
"Come in," Ryo invited, - properly this time.  
"Merci ..." thanked the French doll as she graciously entered the apartment, followed closely by Dee.  
"Monsieur MacLean, you have a beautiful place here, unlike Monsieur Laytner's. He's place is always filthy,"  
"Jacq, you don't have to criticize me upfront, you know?"  
"But indeed, I only speak of the truth. The place you call home is unfit for living," added the girl straightforwardly.  
"Miss Chateaubriand..." Ryo cut in before they could continue on conversing about Dee's apartment, "... What was so urgent that made you came to the station looking for Dee?"  
"It's nothing, really... Well, actually there is something but..." glancing over to Dee, the man gave a slight nod in approval to speak, "... Monsieur MacLean, do you love Monsieur Laytner?"  
Taken aback by the question and the seriousness in the emerald green eyes of hers, Ryo blushed in crimson red as he threw an angry glare at Dee, "What did you tell her?"  
"Jacq's not blind, so that you know," Dee rhetorically answered back.  
"Daddy didn't tell me. I guessed it on my own," defended the little girl with innocence of a baby.  
"Excuse me?" hoping he had heard he wrong, but did she just called Dee daddy or was it just an accidental slip of her tongue?  
Gasping through her covered mouth, Jacqueline's eyes turned to Dee apologetically but only to find the man shaking his head knowingly.  
"You didn't hear her wrong, Ryo. Jacqueline is my daughter, - at least a part of her is," 


	3. He's Mine

Author's note: Firstly, gomenasai!! I want to apologize for my French because I don't know any!! So, if I made any mistakes... Hontoni gomenasai!!! And I would like to thank you for taking your time to read my fic. Please R & R!! Hope you liked it!  
  
Chapter Two: He's Mine  
  
Gathering his collapsing composure, Ryo retorted snappishly, "What do you mean part of her is?" Bitter anger hinted in his voice as he demanded for a sustaining explanation.  
Lighting a cigarette between his lips, "I'm not her biological father, - sorta like the little twerp and yourself. But Jacq grew up calling me her father. The asshole ditched Jacq and her mother when she was only three months old," Dee said nonchalantly.  
"I had rather not know of the man who abandoned my mother and I," Jacqueline chipped in with resentment in her voice.  
"I still don't see the relation to this matter," Ryo said with slight indictment as he leaned back onto the chair.  
Not wanting to elaborate, "It's a very complex deal that happened between her mother and I. But to make a long story short, I knew her mother and I kinda became her godfather overnight," the other man said carelessly.  
  
"What? You got sexually involved? Is that how you became Jacqueline's godfather overnight?" The usual calmness in that man broke with fury rage as the jealousy contained in his black eyes betrayed him.  
"Is that the only impression you've got on me? Is it to you that everyone I know must be sexually related to me?!" Dee hadn't bothered to restrain the anger in him nor try to explain the matter before it got any worse than it can get. But who could blame him? After all, he did cross- country run all over New York looking for her.  
"Well, excuse me..." Ryo bit back sarcastically, "...maybe if you weren't always lusting like a hungry wolf, then probably I would have a better impression of you!"  
"Lusting like a hungry wolf?" Dee repeated in horror as he jumped to his feet, "Oh..., right! I'm always the sex-thirsty devil and you, the untainted, unadulterated angel. Well, pardon me for fucking that heavenly body of yours!!"  
"You're impossible, Dee!!" Ryo infuriately shouted back at him in embarrassment.  
"So I've been told," snickered the younger man in return.  
"Get out!!" words just flew out before he could even stop himself. Cursing with regrets, Ryo silently prayed for a little ray of hope that Dee didn't hear him. But the dangerous glint from the corner of the other man's eyes clearly told him that God wasn't going to help him this time.  
"Gladly," and with that, Dee stood from his seat as he walked over to the little French girl and took her by the hand.  
Frozen from where he stood, Ryo felt his chest constricting so tightly that breathing seemed to be a difficult task as he tried to get words out of his mouth. But as Dee reached for the door, the man could do nothing but stare with brimming tears.  
The raven-haired man hesitated a second at the doorway as he said with rigidity in his voice, "Goodbye, Randy."  
"Dee! I..." But the door had slammed shut behind the man. He was one step too late. Dee was out of his apartment before he could even voice his misgivings.  
Falling onto his weakened knees, trembling fingers tried to conceal the continuous sobs, 'God... what have I done?..." as tears shed uncontrollably.  
God, what was the pain he was feeling in his heart, - pounding hard in his ears, threatening to leap out of his chest if he doesn't stop the pain from growing? The throbbing was insufferable. Rapidity in his breathing was suffocating. And it was times as vulnerable as this that makes him yearn for Dee's touch.  
Two minutes ago, getting hold of the man couldn't be easier. But now, the crave was no more than a dream, for he knew that Dee would not come to his aid now even if he groveled on bended knees.  
'...Dee... I'm sorry....'  
  
As though their hearts were synchronized as one, Dee felt an immense pain piercing the flesh around his heart the minute he walked out of the apartment he had once shared with the one he loved. He knew that he had been a little too harsh on his lover but if only he knew the sacrifices he made just to make the act credible.  
"Why?" asked the little girl striding by his side, waking the man from his drowning thoughts. "Why what, Jacq?" he asked in return, innocently.  
"Why didn't you just tell Monsieur MacLean the truth?"  
Looking away from the innocent eyes of a twelve-year-old, "Would it make any difference?"  
"At least it will clear away the misunderstanding between the both of you," "Misunderstanding?" smiling waveringly, he continued, "Misunderstand would be a word to broad to describe what just happened back there... Besides, telling him the truth wouldn't make any difference. Different scenarios, same ending. Why bother?"  
"But you do love him, don't you?"  
  
"I do..."  
"Sufficient reasons to tell him!" she interrupted before he could finish.  
"Sufficient reasons not to tell him," Dee corrected, "It's because I love him so much that I couldn't bear to watch him be a part of Raven's insane plans,"  
"But Monsieur MacLean will probably hate you for life! Can you live with that?"  
"So be it. Even if he hates me to the depths of Hell, I'll do everything I can to keep him out of Raven's reach," Dee quoted with determination in his eyes.  
"You are aware that mother will be coming for you at dawn tomorrow, aren't you?"  
"I've anticipated that. It has always been the pattern. First you, then your mother. It's only time before Raven comes for me in person,"  
"And you believe you can escape Raven?"  
"I don't." Dee replied bluntly, "I have learnt throughout the years of serving 'them' that nothing slips past Raven. Raven knows... he knows everything... and that's probably why he is ranked one of the few most dangerous man in the world..."  
"So, you do know of your situation,"  
"I'll be damn if I don't," he quipped, smirking at her.  
  
Staring expressionlessly at the ceilings, Ryo recapitulated the moment Dee walked out of his life. Nothing in his life seems to matter anymore, not even the constriction in his chest that robbed him of his strength to breathe. It was as though judgment has been passed down on him and he was now waiting inline for his turn to be hung on the rope to his death.  
Though in life, he never thought of himself as a person of wisdom nor a person of density. But level-headedness and rationality, the traits he used to believe he had it in him had faded away into oblivion, - the characters were no longer a part of him. Somehow, he cursed the denseness that possessed him to drive the man he love out of his life. He should have seen it coming. Dee had been acting surreal for the past few days, but not only did he not try to understand the man, he had just created a menace substantially enough to send him to splitsville.  
Only the ringing in his ears reminded him of the near future encounter with Dee, both a dream and a nightmare that would come true in a few hours time at the station... or was that the doorbell ringing?  
Ryo jumped to his feet immediately as he dashed to get the door, "Dee!" he cried but took a sharp intake of breath when all he saw was Jacqueline standing at his doorstep, - alone.  
"Monsieur MacLean... I'm sorry. Did I wake you?" she asked with concern.  
"No... I was just going to get myself a glass of water," 'Liar!' Never did it crossed his mind that he will have to resort to telling lies just to cover up the moping he was doing just before she came.  
"Monsieur MacLean... do you have a minute? There is something urgent I need to tell you... it's about Monsieur Laytner..."  
Mouth opened and shut but no words came out as he digested each word with deliberateness, "...err..." he stumbled, "...of course... please come in..."  
"Merci..."  
Closing the door behind him, the older man clenched his fist into a ball as he tried to conceal the trembling of his body.  
"Monsieur MacLean," she began with professionalism in her voice, "I believe by now you would have uncertainties in regards to the man whom I call father. And I also believe that he hasn't been able to produce an adequate answer that could satisfy your queries."  
Nodding to her every word, Ryo noted mentally that for a person her age, Jacqueline seemed know more than she was supposed to. As she continued,  
"There is a void in Dee Laytner's life, which I believe you knew nothing of until now. You may know about his past and his present, and very likely, you are his future. But I doubt that you know anything that happened to him two years after he graduated from the police academy. I doubt you even know about Dee Laytner, the person before he became a detective of the 27th Precinct," hesitating to breathe, "...Monsieur MacLean, according to your records, you are one of the finest shooter the police force has to offer, am I not right?"  
Eyes widen with bewilderment at the knowledge of the twelve-year-old girl but not able to say a word about it, Ryo nodded apprehensively.  
"But did you know that Dee..." no longer sticking to formalities, Jacqueline was addressing Dee by his first name, "... he was an excellent marksman as well?"  
"I know. He was ranked the fifth on the last station-wide shooting practice..."  
"No...no..." shaking her head disapprovingly, "He was an excellent shooter..." emphasizing on the word 'excellent' as though he had not heard her the first time, before concluding, "... a prominent Olympics gold medalist shooter in his early days. Nevertheless, he was also an eminent kyudo marksman."  
"But how is that possible? I know Dee has always been a frantic shooter, who doesn't think much before firing his arm, so much so that he was banned from automated firearm. But he has never been keen on distant snipping,"  
'But actual fact, he is the best of the best in snipping. That is until my mother, Alexandria Chateaubriand badly injured the nerves on Dee's left-hand..."  
"Wait! ... Hold just one sec. Did you just say left-hand? But Dee's a right-hander!"  
"No, he isn't... or at least, he wasn't. Dee was a left-hander. After mother broke several vital nerves on his left-hand, Dee spent three years relearning how to use his right-hand to be as good as his left's. But despite how he tried, his right-hand couldn't be as efficient as he had hoped for,"  
"Why?" the question caught her by surprise as Ryo looked into her eyes with disappointment, "Why did your mother hurt Dee? What did he ever do to deserve the chastisement of his talented gift to be taken from him?"  
Silent besieged the room, "He wanted out of the group," was all she could say. "What group?" Ryo demanded.  
"The group of government secret agents, who live to serve the government through manslaughter..." just as the words escaped her soft pink lips, a razor-sharp surgical knife darted past her like an arrow, missing the girl by a centimeter and landed inches deep into Ryo's kitchen wall.  
"Mère!" the little exclaimed through soft gasp.  
"You've said too much, Jacqueline!" replied a shrilling voice of a French women as surgical knives continued darting into the apartment.  
"Run!! Run, Monsieur MacLean!!" cried the little girl as they dashed out the bombard apartment.  
"Jacqueline, why is your mother after us?" Ryo asked between pants as he dived into the narrow passage down the emergency exit.  
"It's all my fault! I shouldn't have come. Now mother will be after you just to get back at Daddy!"  
"What do you mean?"  
"If mother ever get hold you, she will use you to get Daddy to come back to the group!"  
"Not if I get to him first," said a voice from the shadows.  
Panic-stricken, Ryo reached for his pistol in the holster around his rear and aimed for the unidentified stranger.  
"Chill, it's just me," replied Dee as he stepped into the light.  
"Dee!" Jacqueline exclaimed as she rushed to hug the man.  
"Why, Jacqueline?" he asked with accusation in his tone, "Why did you disobey my direct command? Did I not tell you not to come?!"  
"I know... I know..." she replied blandly but the fury in her could no longer be contained, "But Monsieur MacLean deserves to know! After all, he is the man you love, isn't he?" Somehow Jacqueline had asked a question even Ryo was dying to know. But they were cut short by Alexandria's knives.  
Sneaking a glance at the direction of the knives was thrown, leaning his back against the wall, Dee narrowed his eyes dangerously at the building next to Ryo's apartment, "Stay here," Dee ordered. Without looking back to Jacqueline's protest, Dee stepped out of their hiding place and into the light, "Alex... don't do something you'll regret for life. Jacq has nothing to do with this, neither is Ryo related to any of this. So, let them go. It is I whom you are after."  
"Jacq has betrayed the group. Randy MacLean knows too much for his own good. Both have to die!" replied the same shrilling voice in the dark, before he heard Jacqueline yell, "Monsieur MacLean, look out!!"  
"Ryo!!!" Dee shouted as he ran as fast as his legs could bring him to his lover's side, only to watch Alex's refine and delicate surgical knife thrust through the little girl's chest when she stood in front of Ryo to shield him from the ambush.  
"Mère..." Jacqueline tried to cry as droplet of tears trickled down her cheek.  
Alexandria Chateaubriand, the adult version of young Jacqueline stared down at her daughter as she drew her last breath in Ryo's arms.  
"How could you?!" Ryo demanded with disgust in his eyes, looking at the woman whom heartlessly took the life of her own flesh and blood.  
"Jacq!!" Dee shouted, enraged as he skidded and fell on his knee beside the little girl, "Jacq, stay with me... Don't you dare give up on me! Do you hear me?! Jacq!! Jacq!! JACQ!!"  
"Dee..." Ryo whispered in bitter silence.  
"Jacqueline Chateaubriand has committed treachery against the group, worthy of death chastisement," Alex said ruthlessly.  
"What treachery? How is it possible for a twelve-year-old pose a threat to the group of manslaughters?!" Ryo reprimanded with anger.  
"Disclosing confidential information to irrelevant entity is an act of treason. Therefore, she deserves to die," the French woman replied calmly as though nothing had happened.  
"She's only child, for crying out loud!!" the blond officer cried.  
"Treachery is an act of crime regardless of the age..." retorted the woman despite the firmness she tried to uphold.  
"...enough..." Dee's voice intervened with melancholy in his tone, "...I've heard enough about decrees and treachery... I've heard enough!!! Damnit, Alex! D-a-m-n it!!" The wrath in his voice rang clearly even from five blocks away. The burning heat of his body feed on the anger he could no longer contain. Never had Ryo seen the man so angry that the fiery aura of mass destruction engulfed him, was felt down to his spine.  
"Five years has past and gone... yet, you couldn't let bygones be bygones. And now, Jacqueline is dead... and it's all because of differs in our fuckin' past!!"  
"I have my orders to take you back to the HQ,"  
"Well, you can kiss my ass goodbye because I ain't going anywhere!!"  
"My orders weren't specified; thereof you can come back with me as a dead corpse for all I care,"  
"Then, you'll have to get me first," Dee sarcastically snapped back as he reached for his gun at lightning speed.  
"This is way too easy..." Alex replied to herself, grinning deviously as she charged toward Dee, who seated himself on the concrete ground with the dead little girl in his arms. He hardly budged from where he sat as though he was waiting with his gun held firm leveling it to his dark green eyes.  
Ryo watched in horror as Alex's primary weapon, - surgical knives flew like darts in Dee's direction. The endless rains of knives however, were easily dodged as if there was a pattern.  
"My turn, Alex," Dee said in a dangerously low tone as he fired five consecutive shots in her direction.  
"You're losing your touch, Dee," replied the women, swaying her body as though dancing to the rhythm of the bullets.  
"Damn!" the ebony-haired man cursed under his breath. His revolver was out of bullets and he was a sitting duck, waiting for death to claim him.  
"You're mine, Dee Laytner!!" shouted Alex victoriously, thrusting a knife forward, ready to stab it through Dee's heart.  
But he moved so stealthily that his presence weren't expected until he threw himself over Dee and the little girl, shielding the man he loved with his own body. The swishing sound of the knife entering his body was a promise of immense pain as blood gushed out of his body.  
Yet, even through pain on his back, Ryo smiled effortlessly at the man, "No... he's mine," he proclaimed before collapsing into his lover' arms.  
Closing his eyes with intensity, "Ryo..." he whispered through gritted teeth as he held the injured man closer to his chest.  
  
Author note ²: I'm really, really sorry that Jacqueline came and  
left the scene so quickly. I really liked her character. She  
played the role of an informer, filling the little queries in  
Ryo's head. Jacqueline sort of derived from an envisage of Iris  
from Sakura Taisen, and I admit it, - I sort of 'borrowed' the  
name Chateaubriand from Iris, too. But I can't help it!! ^^! Her  
name is just sounded so right...  
I really wanted to write a longer piece but my assignment stood  
in the way. I promise that the next chapter, - it will be  
longer... I hope ^^ 


	4. Last Goodbye

Author's note: PLEASE READ THIS FIRST!!  
  
Chapter Three: Last Goodbye  
  
Feathery-light touch brushed against Ryo's soft cheek as Dee swept stray strands of blond behind the man's ear. The tranquility on his face and the soundness of his sleep was almost too peaceful for a living human. Beeping of the machine that was keeping his lover alive, - the only sound that filled the room, was slowly getting on his nerves. He was already at the verge of breaking down. That last thing he needed was a stupid cold- hard machine reminding him that he was the core reason his lover was reclining motionlessly on the bed as though he was waiting for death to claim over him.  
Holding the frail paling hand into his own, thoughts filled Dee's mind, '...How fragile... almost as though he would break at the slightest touch, though it may not seemed that way most of the time... Ryo... he wouldn't be here bed-ridden if it weren't for me. I was the one who dragged him into this mess, - my mess. It's all my fault...'  
Dee's self-accusation was crudely interrupted when Chief Smith came bursting into ICU ward no. 271, where one of his finest officer was recuperating from a near life-threatening situation during a six-hour surgery.  
"Dee!!" Chief exclaimed, panting hard as a result of dashing down the white hallways in least than two minutes. Stealing a glance from the corner of his eyes, it was all Dee had to offer as an acknowledgement of his superior's presence, - before returning his attention towards the unmoving man.  
"How is he?" Chief asked after catching a breather. Dee uttered softly, so softly that it was hardly audible, "They nearly loss him back there on the surgery table. He loss so much blood..." looking down on his painted red shirt, "... But when I look at myself, his blood is all over me... God, Chief... I did this to him..."  
"Dee, Randy's not dead, yet. So, stop mumbling gibberish like he's dead or something," Chief snapped at the man.  
"...um..." he nodded, trying to comply but there were still melancholy in his eyes, "It will take him a good couple of days before he can be up and going again."  
"It doesn't matter how long it takes. His bills are covered," Chief quipped with a careless shrug.  
As Chief drew closer to the dark-haired man, silently he noted how pallid Dee looked. Color had flushed out of the man's face, leaving the man ghostly white. Weariness was written all over the young detective as strength, both mental and physical drained away into emptiness. He would have to say that it was the first time he saw the vulnerability in Dee Laytner.  
But as a cop, Chief was obliged to his duties, "Who did this to him?"  
Heaving a heavy sigh, he knew that it was inevitable. The question was bound to be asked. For some reason, Dee was glad that he was able to confide the matter to Chief, "...It's Alex. She was going to stab me but Ryo got in the way."  
If shocked had overwhelmed the elderly man, he never showed, "What about Jacq? Does she know about this?"  
"Jacq is dead..." Dee replied monotonously.  
"What the...? When?!" "Just before Alex thrust her knife into Ryo... Jacq... She died protecting Ryo from her mother's wrath..."  
"So you're telling me that Alex killed her own daughter?" Slowly nodding his head, Dee dreaded the memories of the last moment before her death.  
"It doesn't make any sense. Why would Alex kill her own daughter?"  
"Jacq went to Ryo's..." not wanting to elaborate further, Dee just left the sentence hanging there in mid air, letting Chief come up with his own conclusion. And sure enough, with experiences gained over years of service for the force, it didn't take the old man long to figure it out.  
"...So, Randy knows now, doesn't he?" "It makes no difference..."  
"Hell, it does! Dee, if Randy knows, you don't have to take it all upon yourself. Randy could be the left-hand you lost to Alex!!"  
"I don't need a left-hand if it's going to be tainted with filthy blood... I don't want Ryo's untainted hands to be contaminated by bloods of sinners. I don't want him to walk down the same path. Ryo should never cross the line between being the law to opposing the law... Promise me one thing, Chief..."  
"And what is that?" "If Ryo ever gets too close to crossing 'that' line, pull him back before it's too late no matter what the consequences are..."  
"You're going to avenge Jacq's death, aren't you?"  
"Jacq was like a daughter to me. If I don't do this, I'll regret for life,"  
"Even if it means going against Alex, your ex-partner?"  
Tearing his attention away from his lover, determination burnt in his greyish-green eyes as Dee looked out to the rising sun, "...Even if it means going against Alex..."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Soft moans of pain escaped the blond officer whitish lips as he slowly stirred from his long slumber as he cursed softly under his breath waking to another splitting headache. Why couldn't his mornings be a little more pleasant?  
"Dee..." he called out softly with his frail voice. His entire body numbed with aching pain and his throat ran dry as the desert. There was nothing he wanted more than the warmth of his lover holding him in his arms. But Ryo's fantasy turned to a startling awakening as Chief's voice was heard over his bleary sight.  
"Chief!" exclaimed the man with all the strength he could conjure.  
"Glad that you survived Alex's fear-provoking knives. More often than not, her blades are lethal and delicate at touch. Just be grateful that you got here in time,"  
"Chief... where is Dee?" Ryo tried to sit upright but he was pinned down by his weighing body that simply refused to comply.  
"You can forget about going anywhere because you'll be stuck here for at least two weeks."  
"Two weeks?!!" the blond man exclaimed to his horror.  
"Whether you like it or not, you're going to have to stay put until you're granted authorization to be discharged, do I make myself clear?"  
"Chief...where's..."  
Intervening before he could finish his sentence, Chief bellowed with firmness, "I expect to see you in my office first thing in the morning two weeks from now." He walked out on Ryo without answering his question. It's not that he didn't want to tell him where the raven-haired carefree bugger went; it's just that he couldn't.  
'...I'm sorry, Randy. But there are some things better left unknown. It will only intensify the wound that wasn't meant to be. That 'good-for- nothing' fought so hard just to keep you out of it. Just pray that he get through this alive...'  
  
Staring off into his own world, the blond man couldn't help wondering where his dark-haired partner/lover went. Ryo has been hospitalized for more than two days excluding the two other days he was unconscious and yet, Dee was nowhere to be seen. As he watched another sunny afternoon went by, he couldn't help but feel the loneliness that grew on him despite the frequent visitations by his fellow colleagues. But none of them seemed to know what happened to Dee, - not even J.J who clings onto Dee like a parasite.  
"Sorry, Ryo... I'd loved to help but no one had seen that son-of-a- bitch ever since you were hospitalized," that was what all they could tell him.  
"Ryo!!" yelled Bikky as he burst into Ryo's ward, like he would always do at him when he discovers Dee pouncing onto his dad/mom. Carol nonetheless, followed closely behind the younger man.  
"Bikky, for the last time, - this is a hospital..." Ryo reprimanded fatherly.  
"I don't give a damn what the fuck this place is," Bikky cut in impatiently, not to mention, his crude choice of words, "... I saw him!!"  
"Saw who?" Ryo asked, with slight exasperation in his tone.  
"We saw him... Dee!!" Carol chipped in with the same enthusiasm.  
"Where?" that has definitely caught the man's attention.  
"He came looking for me at school. He told me to give this to you," said the mixed-race kid as he hastily rummaged through his knapsack for a piece of white note.  
Taking the note from the boy, Ryo read it as fast as his eyes could scan but he could hardly digest any of the words written there, - not because the handwritings were barely readable but the words itself doesn't make any sense to the man:  
  
Hey there, Ryo  
  
I know it's kinda lame and all to send you this note. I don't even know why the heck I'm writing this. I guess it just something I need to do to get pass my guilt.  
I didn't mean for you to be involved in this mess. I tried to keep you safe; I tried all I could to keep you as far as possible away from their reach, so much so that I tried to cheat myself that I didn't love you anymore. But after all that I have done, I still failed to keep you out of harm's way.  
You have no idea how much it hurts me to watch Alex's knives go through you. My white shirt was soaked in your blood. I was so afraid... so scared that you would die and leave me behind. Never in my entire life have I felt so helpless when I watch you fade in and out of oblivion. A part of me nearly died along with you then.  
I never ever want to feel the same heart-stopping fear again. I don't want you to get hurt anymore. It would be best if we never see each other again... But I wouldn't deny the possibilities that our paths will cross again someday. And when that day comes, don't hesitate.  
  
Yours and forever more,  
Dee  
  
"I told that loser to give it to you himself but he said that he had to go somewhere... something about a debt to settle," Bikky added.  
Crumpling the piece of paper in his hand, "That selfish bastard," he cursed through gritted teeth. Ryo threw away the IV that was hooked into his right arm.  
"Ryo! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Bikky exclaimed to his horror as he watched the man rushed to his feet only to fail miserably.  
"Ryo!!" Carol's turn to exclaim when Ryo's body fell limply on the ground, "The doctors said that you're not allowed to move about or your wounds will reopen!"  
"I don't give a fuck!!" Ryo shouted with rage, not bothered to mind his language. He tried to stand again but even with Bikky on his right and Carol on his left, Ryo still couldn't get back on his feet.  
"Ryo!!" Carol tried to reason with the man to no avail. The blond man fell on his knees as he hurled forward, slamming his fist onto the cold concrete floors at the same time, cursed the ebony-haired man with vulgarity. Hot tears welled in his jet black eyes but he hadn't the strength to cease droplets of tears from falling. The two youngsters fell silent as they heard Ryo whispered the man's name softly before he broke into strangled sobs.  
  
Watching from a safe distance, Dee's heart wrenched with guilt for putting his lover through his deranged past fault. He nearly fell off the roof of the 24-storey building across the hospital when he leaned too over the railing while watching Ryo fall onto his knees through his binoculars. His hands trembled clammily, - not because of the height he was standing from the concrete ground but the fear that struck his heart of the rash and irrational things Ryo would do.  
Tearing his eyes from the binoculars, Dee couldn't bear to watch anymore. The more he sees, the harder it becomes for him to say 'goodbye'. Glancing away, Dee reached for his shades in his breast pocket before anyone could catch the welling of tears in his eyes. Now, of all times, wasn't the time for him to breakdown; - in fact, Dee had to force himself to search within his past for the unyielding cold-exterior he had held up five years ago.  
The sound of the hovering helicopter above his head broke into his thoughts.  
'Ryo, I'm sorry... I would stay by your side forever more if I could... but the path I chose... it is a path that forces me to choose my dark past over the people I love. I don't like it anymore than you do, nonetheless I must oblige to this path if I want you to be safe. For you, I will endure, thus I will not run from the gun you will aim at me...'  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Ryo!!" shouted J.J over the chaotic station. Bobbing his head out of the report that piled all over his desk, "What?" he snapped agitatedly with rising temper.  
Heads turned in the direction of the angry voice. Ryo had been biting the heads off people who spoke to him for the past three weeks. But who would blame the precinct idol for being in such foul mood? It has been awhile and not a word was heard of the raven-haired bastard's whereabouts. Ryo was officially declared as a walking time-bomb by his colleagues. Even the slightest thing triggers agitation to the flaxen man.  
"Chief wants you in his office, ASAP," J.J replied reservedly, not wanting to set off the 'bomb'.  
Knitting his brows, Ryo sensed a headache coming his way, - a huge one. Pushing away from his desk, he was about to head out for Chief's office when his eyes caught sight of the empty desk across his. His eyes never failed to glance over to Dee's desk every now and then. And quietly Ryo noted how time passes so slowly without him. Somehow, the fact was getting on his nerves, especially when it reminded him of the hours he had to remain coped in the precinct.  
Rapping lightly on the door, Ryo turned the knob and entered the moment he heard Chief's gruff voice from beyond the door.  
"Chief, you wanted to see me?"  
Resting his chin on the arch of his fingers formed by his forearm, grave expression cast over the older man's face when the young detective entered.  
"Take a seat, Randy," offered the older man.  
Obediently, the young officer took a seat across the desk.  
"I'll cut to the chase. I just received a note that I'm supposed to give you. But before I do, enlighten me; - is Dee Laytner worth fretting over?"  
Ryo was already swimming in confusion to why all of the sudden Chief has taken interest in his opinion in regards to Dee.  
"I don't quite get you, sir," Ryo replied innocently.  
"Ok..." the old man exhaled sharply, "Let's put it this way. Your recent performance has dropped to the pits of hopelessness. It's pretty darn obvious that that idiot is the cause. Your mind is totally polluted with that bugger so much so that your brains are no longer functioning like it's supposed to."  
"Sorry, sir. I'll try to..." "Sorry isn't the word I'm looking for here. Dee is old enough to take care of himself. Whatever trouble he's in, you can bet your ass that he'll get out of it. So, now back to my earlier question, - is he worth fretting over?"  
Swallowing hard down his dry throat, it was hard not to be intimidated by Chief's stern voice. But when the answer to the question came into his mind, he was undoubtedly sure what his mind, his heart, his body, - all wanted the same thing, Dee Laytner.  
Lowering his head, Ryo's eyes softened as he spoke, "I don't think I'm fretting over Dee... it's more of a concern feeling rather than fuss. He has been gone missing for weeks now and as his partner... I can't help but to feel apprehensive. It's not whether he is worth it or not. I don't even know how to describe in words how I feel for that man. But I do know one thing, - loving a person isn't measured by how much he is worth but how much love you feel for the other. And as far as I'm concern, love is immeasurable."  
"Enough said. That is all I need to hear. Take this note and this opportunity well. You have only one shot at this, don't waste it. I don't know what good will it do for the both of you, maybe God takes pity over you love-sick puppies. It's a chance of a lifetime, so don't lose it... and one other thing. I don't want anymore than you do, to see Dee on the other side. Just remind him that we have yet to give up on him,"  
Totally clueless to what Chief was saying, Ryo chose to ignore and think about them later as he got his hands on the piece of note meant for him. Unfolding the short memo in his grasp, Ryo read the printed matter, -  
  
Be at Queen's d'café at 2 p.m.  
  
Five minutes to two, the blond officer was seen pushing through the over-crowed sidewalks as he rushed to Queen's d'café in time for the meeting. His nerves were going crazy every time he thought of the person who sent him the note.  
'Could it be...?' his heartbeat rapidly picked up pace as thoughts aroused. But as his mind was overly preoccupied with random thoughts, he hardly registered a man heading towards him from the opposite direction until they collided.  
"Sorry," the stranger in black trench coat apologized.  
"It's ok," Ryo replied back without taking a good look at the man and walked away almost immediately in hurry.  
Sharp on the dot, Ryo panted heavily as he grabbed a seat under a huge white umbrella by the sidewalk café. Ordering his drink hastily, Ryo took no notice of a man approaching him until he felt a weighing palm rested on his shoulders.  
"Don't you know it's dangerous to act alone, - particularly after an incident that nearly took your life?" said the voice Ryo was longing to hear.  
"Dee..." he was about to turn to face the man when he felt Dee's grip over his shoulder tightened.  
"Don't turn around," the dark-haired man warned severely.  
"Dee..." Ryo tried to plead but firmly the other man declined, "Don't... Ryo..."  
Clenching his fist to restrain the urge to pin the man down on solid concrete, showering him with kisses, Ryo shut his eyes tight as he listened to the other man taking a seat behind him. He could feel Dee's broad shoulders resting against his.  
'Dee...' the blond officer mentally noted.  
Silence besieged uncomfortable around those two. It was as though both were waiting for the other to break the ice.  
"How have you been?" Dee finally asked in his casual nonchalant tone. "Like hell," Ryo finally managed to force out, and despite the sarcasm that was meant to be, his voice hardly sound as though he was truly mad at the other man.  
Silence once again hung in the air notwithstanding the precious time at lost. "Dee..."  
"Ryo..." both began in unison.  
"You go first," Dee offered.  
Not wanting to lose this opportunity, Ryo was determined to say the words he hadn't been able to express just because he was too goddamn selfish to admit it.  
"Dee..." He had been rehearsing over and over in his head of the words he would say to Dee the next time he saw him. Although this wasn't how he had in mind, talking to the man with their backs on each other was good enough. Either way, he's going to say the 'three' words to him.  
'But why is it so goddamn difficult?' His mind was racing and pounding hard under the skull. His chest constricted with pain that pierced through every inch of his flesh.  
'God, please help me make it through...' he prayed in silence.  
"...Dee, I don't know what's going on and all. But..." he hesitated to breathe, "... but I do know one thing... and that's..." his voice was becoming more and more inaudible, "... no matter what happens,... I'll never stop loving you. I love you, Dee..."  
Sheer stillness came over like a tide as the following two minutes went by in silence, making Ryo queasy to the stomach, - that made the poor man doubted his actions almost instantly. But a soft exhaled heard over his shoulders reassured the man that he was still there.  
Virtually picturing a smirk on Dee's face, "Though it's a bit late for that now..." he said, causing the blond man faintly winced in hurt, "... I guess, these three words came in just right when I needed them most."  
Being slightly insistent with hints of pleading in his voice, "Dee, let's go home together... Bikky misses you, Carol misses you,... but most importantly, I've missed you..."  
"I would like that very much... I really do. But Ryo... there's somewhere I have to go... and..."  
'Don't say it... Don't say it, Dee...' Ryo's heart was practically screaming, begging in fear of the words that would escape Dee's lips.  
"This is probably my last goodbye..."  
  
Author's note²: When I read this chapter again some time last  
week, I found a number of errors and weaknesses in this chapter.  
Chief was totally OOC and somehow, he was playing a role bigger  
than I had intended. Thus, I re-wrote the chapter. The content is  
more or less the same but some new points in this chapter affect  
the following chapters. Hence, gomenasai for the inconvenience  
but please read this chapter first before the next chapter. I  
would also like to thank those who took the time to review. They  
mean a lot to me!! Arigatou, minna!! 


	5. Emotions Besieged

Author's note: If you've not read the latest Chapter Three: Last Goodbye posted on 5th of February 2004, I would suggest you read that chapter first. The alteration made in the chapter influences the contents of this chapter. I'm really sorry for the inconveniences but I hope you will like what I did to the chapter!!^^

 _Italics denotes memories of past events_

__

**Chapter Four: Emotions Besieged**

        Drowning himself under the cold shower, Ryo hardly felt the wintriness of the water. Instead, in mid autumn season, the water felt warm as though it came from a hot spring, - but in actuality, it was he, whose blood was boiling in anger. 

     "Damnit!!" he cursed under his breath as he allowed the water to run down his naked body, trying unsuccessfully in calming the nerve-wrecking intensity that was building up in him.

    It was utterly useless to shun away the ferventness of his heart when Dee's velvety sensuous voice echoes repeatedly in his ears, even though five whole days has passed since then. The yearning was devouring the half-Japanese in whole. He longed to hear the voice again... even if it's only just once...

    'But who am I kidding? Dee's not coming back... I'd begged, I'd cried, I'd done all that I could to keep the man from leaving... but he left without turning back... Dee's gone...'

     Ryo clenched his fist into a tight ball, till his knuckles turned pale white. It was definitely an unwelcoming thought yet, his heart refused to let him forget about it. Recollections of the episode at the café vividly projects in Ryo's mind-eye as fat droplets of water continued to rain on him...

     _"What do you mean 'last goodbye'?!!" Ryo demanded, suppressing the urge to turn his head around to wring __Dee__'s neck._

_     "...There is somewhere I need to go..." __Dee_ replied hesitantly.__

_  "But you're coming back, right?" the blond man asked wishfully with hints of desperations._

_     "It doesn't really matter whether I come back or not. It wouldn't make much of a difference anyway. Things will not go back to being the same as before..." melancholy filled the man's voice as he spoke._

_     "What is that supposed to mean?!" anger boiled in the man's blood as Ryo tightened his grip over the armrest._

_    "...Ryo, don't make this any harder than it already is,"_

_   "I'm making it hard for you?" he scoffed, "You're the one making my life miserable like hell!!"_

_      "Ryo... listen to me..." _

_   "No!! You listen to me!!" slamming his fist onto the table. He couldn't stand it any longer. Ryo pushed the chair back forcibly as he stood up with raging impulse to punch his fist into his partner, - hoping that it would bring some senses back into the man. Rage was getting the best of him, and he knew very well that if he had allowed his feelings to conquer his heart and mind, Ryo would probably do things he will regret in the end. Hence grinding his teeth, the blond man restrained himself as he seated back on his chair. _

_    Trying to no avail in returning himself to his usual composure, words escaped his lips with strong resentment, "For the past three weeks of my life has been nothing but misery. Every morning I set foot into our office, my eyes involuntarily wanders over to your desk without fail. I don't even know why I even bother to check whether you'd be there smoking yourself to death, or trying to keep yourself awake with caffeine... or nonetheless, waiting there for a chance to pounce on me. I work my ass off each day trying to make up for your absence... but honestly, I'm just trying to obscure the obvious. Hell! I've never made so much mistakes in writing a report before in my entire life and now, just because you're not slacking, not to mention, not doing your part of the share as per usual, - I make mistakes three times as much as having you around. Work just continues to pile all over my desk like input without an output. But do you know, the worst has yet to come. I wait up each night, - waiting like a fool for you to come barging through my door, begging me to let you in and make love together..." the shuddering in his breath did not go unnoticed, nor the crack in the voice he tried so hard to conceal, "... God! __Dee_, can't you see? I can't live without you..."__

_     "Yes, you can, Ryo," __Dee__ relentlessly replied almost instantly, but softens as he continued,_

_  "...yes, you can, Ryo. Do it for me. For me, you have to live on... for me, you have to be strong..."_

_     "For me... for me... for me...!!! That is all you can say!! For crying out loud, __Dee__, stop being such a selfish bastard!! Since all this has begun, it has been nothing but you... you... YOU!! Will you take a minute to consider what I want instead of what you want?! I'm not a three-year-old kid, who needs you to tell me what to do!!"_

_    "Then, shut the hell up," his voice was neither commanding nor persuasive. It was as though it was a statement, - a statement of authorization that silenced the blond detective almost immediately. An invisible hand caught his throat, restricting the blond to breathe as the words went through his heart like piercing daggers._

_     "Look, Ryo... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said such a thing. I shouldn't have been so harsh on you. It's not even your fault that my life is so twisted. I know it is hard for you, but that doesn't mean that it's any easier for me. Maybe if you'd never know me, you wouldn't have to go through with this ordeal..."_

_     "What are you trying to say?"_

_    "I thought I could forget about the past, but somehow, I cannot outrun it. I will forever be bound by my dark past. There's no reason for you to be obligated by things you hardly know. Therefore, ... I put forth the termination of our partnership. Randy MacLean, for this minute onwards, - I, Dee Laytner will no longer be your partner..."_

_    Trembling with fear, the world spun in his eyes. '...termination?... Someone please wake me if this is all a dream... I don't want to continue dwelling in this horrid nightmare... God, please tell me this isn't true... tell me, what I'm hearing are only figments of my imagination... this isn't happening, right?...Right?!' He was having the hardest time of his life believing those words actually came from __Dee_'s own lips. Denial was eating up his sanity. In subliminal state, brimming tears began to streak down his burning cheeks.__

_      "I am no longer your partner, Randy MacLean. Thus, our identities diversify from this moment on. There's no need for you to hesitate. When the time comes, do what you must..."and with that, the warmth of __Dee__'s back began to depart his._

_       Every step the raven-haired made, Ryo traced them in his mind, listening closely till his footsteps were no longer audible to his hearing ranges. He could have stopped him from leaving. He could have turned around many times during their conversation. But he didn't. It's not that he wouldn't, - it's because he couldn't. He was afraid of looking at __Dee_ in the eye. He was already at the verge of breaking down. The last thing he needed was ___Dee_'s eyes looking unemotionally into his. Thus, all he could do was stare perplexedly into oblivion, wearing nothing but sadness on his façade.__

       "Damn you, Dee Laytner!!" Ryo cursed through gritted teeth as he tried in vain to cool the fiery sensation in him. He could feel his nails digging their way through his skin when his fist tightened at the thought of the man who left him in the pits of emptiness.

      "Ryo?" a voice from beyond the bathroom door interrupted his trains of thoughts.

   "Bikky? What is it?" he asked, trying as hard as he could to be nonchalant, - only to hear himself crack with sorrow.

    "You'd better come out of the bathroom now or else your fingers will turn bloody wrinkly," he said in blasé, but what he really meant was, "You've been in there for hours, I'm beginning to worry what kind of idiotic things you might be doing in there.' He was just too arrogant to admit it in actual words, - a little trait Ryo found in both Dee and Bikky. Somehow, they had rather twist phrases to something less kind to ears of others just to show that their hearts were made of steel, when in actuality they were soft on the inside, tough on the outside.

     "I'll be out in a sec," the flaxen man replied as he blindly reached out his hand to turn off the shower.

      "Whatever..." replied the young boy, "I'm going out to Carol's" Ryo vaguely remembered the kid telling him over the bathroom door. 

       Beads of water dripped like falling rain onto his bareback as he came out with only a simple slack and a towel around his shoulders. Originally he had his favorite white sweater taken in with him to change after his quick-shower (which turned out to be a long, long dip in the water) but inadvertently the sweater fell off the railing and it was soaked wet in no time.

      Searching through his wardrobe for something to wear, Ryo came across a plain white shirt. There was nothing out of the ordinary about the shirt. Just an everyday worn shirt. Right, - but it wasn't his. It belonged to Dee. And somewhat indistinctly, it faintly held Dee's scent. Instinctively, his arms slipped into the long sleeves of the shirt. Inexpressible warmness apprehended Ryo the instant the shirt rested on his body. The feeling when the softness of the fabric caressed against his flesh was as though Dee was there cradling him in his arms. And the thought alone brought tears to his eyes.

     "God... I can't believe how unbelievably frail I am..." he whispered softly to himself, drying the tears with his forefinger.

        Out of exhaustion, Ryo allowed his body to literally fall on his back onto the oversized pillows, - only to rebound to upright sitting position when he felt cold metals against his back.

      Taking the two metals into his hand, Ryo dropped his gaze, 'Dee's badge and pistol,' he mentally noted as he looked intently at the two objects his 'ex-partner' had left for him. He was totally clueless at first to how the two things came into his possession, but as bits and pieces of memory fixed onto the colossal puzzle, pictures began to form in Ryo's mind.

   Dee was the one in black trench coat, whom Ryo run into with on his way to the café. And it was during their collision that Dee's gun and badge found their way into his coat. 

 "Dee was right when he said that my guard was nonexistent," he reprimanded. 'But the things he do never ceased to amaze me...' Ryo thought, smiling wearily as he reminiscent on surprises Dee sprung on him unexpectedly. 

      Like the first time they got acquainted. Though Jacqueline pretty much sort out that mystery, Ryo couldn't put out of the feelings he felt when Dee stared deep into his eyes. And the time Bikky came crashing into their office on skates. The expression in Dee's eyes emitted a fear-provoking aura, so strong that chill ran down Ryo's spine every time he recalled that gaze. 

     The skills he picked up on the streets like pick-pocketing while he was still younger, - in a sense, could be an advantage... and unlawful advantage, perhaps? One way of seeing it, Dee could read pick-pockets like a book, and nevertheless, caught Carol in action not once but twice. In a way, the 'illegal pastimes' were necessities to survive the cruel world out there. But if Dee hadn't chosen his profession as a cop, he could very well be a pick-pocket himself.

      Sometimes it made Ryo wonder, - though he fought often with Bikky and never did quite get along, at times, Dee understood the child even more than Ryo. It was as though there was an invisible bond shared among those who grew up in the neighborhoods of New York City. Moreover, Dee grew up in an orphanage filled with children of the same fate. It would be a total lie to say he knew nothing about kids.  

     Mysteries revolving Dee has never been revealed until now. Funny how Ryo had never taken interest in the matter before. But was it too late for him to learn them now?

     Just as Ryo sank deeper into the pillow with a mind full of Dee, ready to drift into another restless night, the doorbell rang. Jet black eyes widen with awareness. Traumatized by the last incident, Ryo approached the door with precautions.

      'Thank God, Bikky's out,' he noted in silence as he reached for the doorknob.

   "Good evening," Ryo was showered with warm greeting as he popped his head out to find an Englishman at his doorstep.

      "Can I help you?" Ryo asked, trying to return the same politeness.

     "As a matter a fact, you can. You see, I've an appointment to meet an old friend here," replied the man of his early-forties.

       The blond officer gave a questionable look at the man. 

     "How rude of me. Let me introduce myself. My name is James Hendrix. I'm a doctor of medicine. And the friend of mine goes by the name of Dee Laytner,"

       "Dee?" Ryo repeated in exclamation.

     "Yes," the doctor replied.

          Looking away from the Englishman's brown eyes, "I'm sorry, but you'll not find Dee here."

      "Whoever said that I'm looking for him? There isn't a need for me to look for the man," said the doctor in a self-aggrandizing way. Ryo stumbled back on his steps as the older man advanced forward, "Dee Laytner will come looking for me." The egotistical air held around the stranger sent chill creeping down Ryo's spine.

      'Who is this man?' the question stirred in his mind over and over as he watched the uninvited guest made himself comfortable in his residence. 

      "A very nice place you've got here," complimented the white-blond stranger as he took a seat on the couch.

      "Mr. Hendrix, is there a reason for you to be here?" the blond officer asked politely but hinted slight hostility in his tone.

     "As a matter a fact, I do. Like I have said, I have an appointment with Mr. Dee Laytner here," replied the man nonchalantly.

        "Don't kid me, Mr. Hendrix. Why would Dee appear at my doorstep?" Ryo derided with a smirk.

        But a triumphant grin spread across the doctor's aging façade as he said contemptuously, "You haven't the slightest clue to who I am, have you?"

          "Well, forgive me for I am a man with very few acquaintance outside of my jurisdiction," the plainspoken officer said with the same manner of courtesy, - not forgetting the same cynicism that conceals in the truth of the sentence. 

        "My... my... I must express my astonishment that your partner had not mentioned a word about me in your presence. Did I make a mistake? Are you not Dee Laytner's lover?"

    Shades of crimson crept over the man's face when the word 'lover' echoed in his ears. Embarrassed as he was, Ryo couldn't help feeling the anger boiling in him being reminded of the man who left him.

      "The man has already left," the agitated officer reprimanded simply.

   "Already left?" Hendrix repeated imperturbably.

      Folding his arms in exasperation, "Yes. Dee's no longer ..." but the flaxen man was crudely interrupted when a dark shadowy figure leaped out of nowhere and landed unscathed on the outside of the window sill, oblivious to the height of the building.

     "I'm sorry, but you were saying?" countered the doctor with a victorious smirk.

   'You gotta be kidding!!' his mind screamed in fury defiance but his body trembled in fear as the dark silhouette stood full-length outside his windows. Mixed emotions besieged upon Ryo as the large cloud obscuring the glorifying sight of the moon began to inch away. Streaks of moonlight fell onto the figure, outlining the loose black trench coat he wore. Hair, the color of midnight glistened brilliantly as loose strands danced to the rhythm of the cooling wind.

      "Oh, my... God..." Ryo whispered inaudibly, resting his index finger against his trembling lips as he rendered speechlessly.


	6. Believe

Author's note: Gomen! I'm really sorry that it took so long for me to write this chapter. But I have exams!! Really horrendous exams!! . But my exams are over now!! Oh, yeah!! v(^^) Thanks a bunch for reviewing! I love you guys!!! I hope you'll enjoy this fic. Don't forget to R & R!! ^^

_Italic denotes thoughts_

****

****

**Chapter Five: Believe**

     Radiance of the heavenly celestial body shone vibrantly despite the darkness that engulfed the night. Paralleled to such endearing sight, at the brink of the window sill stood the man with sophistication, notwithstanding the pneumonia threat of the cold autumn wind. In those dark emerald green eyes, a glint unleashed the murderous ambiance that had longed been subdued, - sending chill up and down the spine of the chestnut-brown haired detective, as silence ticked by in his presence.

        It was Dr. Hendrix who broke the uncanny silence, "It has been quite some time, hasn't it, - since we last meet? If my memory hasn't failed me, I believe that the last time we saw one another was at a private meeting before the Elders in Kazakhstan... ah... such fond memories of the place, don't you agree?" he recollected with simplicity as he stole a predatorily glance from the corner of his hazel-eyes, at the man who refused to yield to him.

      Bearing the ever-so familiar voice, incorporated with harshness of speech, - the silhouette retorted sardonically, "Quit the crap, Raven! I'm not here to catch up on old times!!"

    'Raven?' Ryo noted in silence as he hacked into his memory bank, -

   _"... I don't want to hear any of this! Hell with it, Raven!!..."_

_     "Damnit, Raven!! Don't you dare drag Jacq into this... I'm warning you..."_

_   "Look, Raven. For the last time, I'm not going back into the pits of darkness..."_

_      "Damn it, Raven! It makes not different now or then!!..."_

_   "But forewarning Raven, if our paths ever cross, I will not hesitate again..."_

   'The conversation... the other night... the first murder case...' Missing pieces of the puzzle began to fit into places of his memory, - that hardly made any sense at first, but gradually as Ryo learnt more about his partner's past, the clearer the pictures became.

      'All this while, Dee knew... he knew it all along... the unusual reaction at the crime scenes... the bizarre behavior... Dee knew that Raven was behind all those killings... But why? Why didn't he tell me? Why the secrecy? Am I not his partner? Or am I not adequate enough to be trusted?... Dee, why...?' Train of thoughts crossed his mind, but he couldn't be bothered to stop any of them as tears welled in those compelling pitch black eyes of his.

       Rejoining their conversation with mist of confusion clouding his mind, Ryo was totally at lost when Dee yelled at the top of his lungs, "Don't play games with me, Raven!! I'm sick and tired of being reminded of this I don't want to remember!! Get a hint, Raven! I'm not going back to DIEs, and that is final!"

     'DIEs?' the words echoed in Ryo's mind repeatedly as he searched for similar abbreviation in his head, but none came into mind.

       Standing from the sofa, the Englishman's eyes narrowed dangerously out the window, "Then, why? Why did you give up your job? Why did you give up your life now?..." diverting his attention towards Ryo, his index finger directed accusingly at the blond officer, "Why... did you give up on the love of your life... again?" Dr. Hendrix condemned, emphasizing on the last words clearly.

      Silence was all Dee could give in reply. Wordless, he was unable to defend himself against the verbal assaults by the sinister doctor. In fact, a part of him felt a crushing pain in the heart when the questions were asked yet, answers could not be produced for he was in doubt of his true feelings. Cursing under his breath, the black-haired man was irritated by his own helplessness.

     "... I ..." Dee stammered as he cracked his brains to at least come up with a cynic word to retort in return.

      "Come on, Shadow. You can do better than that... or are you afraid to admit that a part of you still remembers DIEs even though how hard you tried to forget about it? You can deny but you cannot hide the obvious, - and that's, DIEs is a part of you as much as you are a part of DIEs...

Why don't I help you out in answering those questions? You quit being a cop because you know that no matter what you do, you cannot amend for the sins of your past. Saving the lives of others is only a self-indulgent idea that you can atone for the lives you took in those days with us. You left the life you had for the past five years because you know that your existence in that life is only an illusion. They are only figments of your imagination of how naïve life would be if the cruelty of truth had not existed. But I guess you knew it all along, for it is your philosophy that God only help those who help themselves. Am I not right?" the doctor added, pinpointing accurately on Dee's weak spot.

     Long blond fringes concealed the jet black eyes with gravity as Ryo spoke in whispers, "...What about me?" but as he went on, his voice raised with anger, " What am I? Another delusion of your sick daydream?! Tell me, Dee or whoever you are... did you ever love me? Or was that also a part of your deception?!!"

     "I love you! Don't you ever doubt that!!" reprimanded Dee's voice angrily as he stepped into the parlor through the window.

     Dangerously glaring at him, Ryo felt as though the smoke-green eyes were drowning him in guilt for doubting where Dee's heart belonged. Advancing forward, distance drew closer as Dee strode irately in Ryo's direction, - till they were only inches apart. Tilting his head slightly to the right, Dee brushed past Ryo's delicate skin as he breathed down the back of the man's neck.

     "... never... never ever question my love for you..." he whispered inaudibly as his warm, soft lips pressed against his flesh, planting fervent kisses all over the man's neck. Giving more access to the midnight-haired man, Ryo bent his head lower to his right as he savored the shower of kisses.

    "Excuse me for being such a bother, but I do believe we have yet to settle this dispute..." Dr. Hendrix interrupted with a sly grin.

     "No, Raven. We are through! I have nothing more to say to you and there is nothing for you to say that would change my mind," Dee replied with determination boring in his eyes.

      "Oh, really?" the English doctor asked skeptically as he snapped his fingers. And with that, a splitting headache seized Dee with unbearable pain.

    "Argh!!!" the raven-haired man cried in agony, falling down onto his knee as he clutched the throbbing pain of his head.

    "Dee!" Ryo exclaimed in horror as he watched his lover howled in unimaginable pain.

     "Glad to see that the mind-controlling device implanted on your nervous system still works like a charm," mocked the devious doctor, sneering at the sight of Dee suffering the excruciating pain of nerve-wrecking headache.

      Snapping his fingers twice, Dr. Hendrix stopped all pain from rushing to Dee's head for the purpose of his presence at that very time was to convince Dee to return to them, and not kill him.

    Fits of cough arrested the raven-haired as he gasped desperately for breath. Heavy perspiration drenched Dee's forehead as his body shivered in the echo of the pain. Slipping an arm around his neck, Ryo lifted his trembling lover to rest his head on his kneeled thigh. Never had he seen Dee in pain that made suicide seem bearable. Ryo shuddered reflecting the foreign man's capability to control others as he wished. It was something unbelievably frightening even if it was only a thought.

       "Now, Shadow... Will you surrender peacefully or must I utilize the mind-controlling device to its utmost?" Dr. Hendrix threatened derisively.

     "Snap thrice for all I care!" Dee provoked disdainfully in return with all the strength he could muster despite the endless throbbing in his head, "Do it or I'll blow your head off..." as he pulled out his revolver, aiming it at the Englishman. 

     Raising an eyebrow, "My... you can say that I am surprise that you had managed to endure that pain going through your head and have yet to lose consciousness. You had indeed improved, Shadow," the doctor mocked.

    "Don't make me repeat myself, Raven. Either you kill me right now, or I'll kill you on the spot because I'm going nowhere,"

     "Very resolved for a man who can barely stand on his own two feet but that is not the reason for me to be here today. Shadow, I don't want to kill you..."

     "Funny!" Dee interrupted in the mid of the man's sentence, "That is exactly what I want to do."

     "I doubt not your abilities, nor should you doubt mine. Of all people, I believe you should be aware of my authority in DIEs. Nothing slips past me. What I want is what I get. And if it is you I want, it is you I will get. It's just a matter of applying force or not. It wouldn't be longer before I lay my hands on you again, Shadow. Now, either give in to me, or I will take you by force. And you can bet your ass that I will do anything, even if it means harming the one you love, - just for you..."

    "You're one sick man, Raven," Dee replied calmly as the sound of his pistol's safety hammer clicked release.

     "I wouldn't if I were you..." warned Dr. Hendrix. Two red laser beams from distant snipe guns fell onto Ryo, - one aimed for his head, another aimed for his heart.

        "Damn you, Raven!" he cursed under his breathe as he held up his gun, away from Dr. Hendrix's direction. 

      "Excellent!" laughed the Englishman with hints of mockery. Striding towards Dee who remained reclined on Ryo's lap, he kneeled and held the dark-haired man's chin firmly, "The more I look at you the more I want you. I can't wait till that day comes. But until then, Dee Laytner..." He was crudely cut off when Ryo slapped Hendrix's hand away.

     "Don't you dare touch him!" hissed the blond officer offensively.

   "Ryo..." Dee whispered under his breath, - half feeling grateful and touched, but the other half feared of what Raven might do to him.

      Leaning closer to the young flaxen detective, the elderly man whispered hoarsely into Ryo's ears, "You have guts, Detective MacLean and for that, I acknowledge you. But if you should stand in my way of getting Shadow, I will not hesitate to kill you."

    He stood up and treaded past the two men on the floor with the ambiance of arrogance and power. "Well, then detectives, I bid you all a good day," Dr. Hendrix said before stepping out the apartment.

      "Yeah... fuck you, too, Raven..." Dee replied inaudibly, pushing himself to an upright position. 

     "Dee..." Ryo called his lover's name softly, - almost seductively.

        Exhaling sharply, "Now,... do you understand why I had to leave you?" he asked with sadness in his voice, turning his back against his lover.

      But Ryo slipped his arms around the man, pulling him closer to his chest as he rested his chin on Dee's shoulders, "No... I don't. I have told you before, and I will tell you now, - I love you..."

    "And I love you, too... with every heart and soul embedded in me, I love you, Ryo..."

   "So, don't leave me..."

      Dee shivered, restraining himself from pinning his lover down when Ryo planted a kiss on his neck. Breaking off his embrace, Dee stood up, "No, Ryo. Can't you see? If I don't leave you, Raven will come after you. I don't want to see you get killed by that maniac!!"

     Totally ignoring him, Ryo slid around Dee to face him where he planted an overly-obsessing kiss on Dee's lips. But Dee pulled apart almost immediately with aversion. 

     "Get a hold of yourself, Ryo! I'm not kidding, here!!" Dee shouted with rage as he tried to get his 'ex'- partner off him.

     "But I love you... love you...." Ryo chanted like a drunkard as he continued showering the other man's neck with kisses while the other hand reached to unbutton his shirt.

     "Stop it, Ryo!!!" Dee hollered angrily, pushing the blond man to the floor and watched as his lover faded into oblivion.

     "Ryo!" he cried out as he rushed to his side.

        "Ryo!!" Dee called out repeatedly as lifted Ryo's upper body close to his chest, only to find distinct redness, the size of a small patch of allergy on the blond detective's neck. Diving closer for a thorough inspection, a fine puncture seemed apparent at the center of the patch. 

       "Morphine...Raven!..." he hissed through gritted teeth but all the anger contained miraculously fade away as Dee laid his eyes on the sleeping figure in his arms.

      "God, Ryo... you have no idea how beautiful you are. I'd be lying to myself if I say that you didn't turn me on with those kisses... Yet, I know none of them were meant to be real...mere delusional effects of drugs. But somehow, my devilish other half would have melted away in those kisses if they were meant to be...real..." whispered the midnight-haired man by his other half's ear with hints of melancholy and dejection.

       Gently, Dee slipped Ryo into his arms as he carried the blond man out of the apartment. Any place invaded by Raven was a dangerous place to be even for a cop. Suffering from the near loss of his beloved was once too many of an experience.

      'Upon God's name I swear, I'll protect you till the very end...'

            *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *

     Awaking from his fidgety slumber, eyebrows twitched agonizingly as the man woke up to his third morning of nerve-splitting pain in the head. Rays of sun that peeped through the translucent curtains barely helped the man wake to a refreshing start, in fact, his pitch-black orbs had to narrow beneath his eyelids to shield the binding streaks of light from hurting his eyes. His sickly state only worsen with a head that felt like it had went through hell and the irritating buzzing sound in his ears that would not stop ringing. His body would have revolted if a pair of delicate hands had not held him up and stroke his back to sooth the nauseous feeling down his throat. 

     "Feeling any better? Do you need anything?" a soft voice asked tenderly.

   "...water..." Ryo replied huskily at the dryness of his throat.

      "Water? ..." looking troubled the lady of her early-twenties searched the room for another being but none came into sight, "Can you sit by yourself while I get you a glass of water?"

       Nodding slightly, the blond man drew his knees close to his chest as he rested his throbbing head on them.

        In a trice, the girl came rushing back with a glass of distilled water and a bottle of aspirins in her hands.

     "Here, take these..."she offered, shoving two pills into his hands. Obediently, Ryo threw the pills to the back of his mouth and drank a mouthful of water to wash them down. 

     "Thanks..." he said softly as she helped him to recline back onto the four-poster bed.

   "No sweat. After all, it is my duty to watch after you..." replied the girl gleefully.

      "Your duty?" Ryo repeated.

    "Yup," answered the young lady with a smug, "Master Dee entrusted you in my care."

   "Dee!" recalling the incident at his apartment, it had suddenly struck him how strange he felt being in an unfamiliar room, sleeping on a bed not his. But fear overwhelmed the man when his lover was nowhere in sight.

      "Where is Dee?" he demanded almost instantly, grabbing hold of the girl's shoulders firmly.

   Giggling at his antics, the girl tried to suppress herself from laughing out loud, "You don't have to worry. Master Dee is at the range horseback riding. I'll take you there myself, if you are feeling up to it..."

       "Dee? Horseback riding?" Ryo repeated skeptically.

    "Yes, he rides. As a matter a fact, Master Dee's horsemanship is truly remarkable. You should see him in action,"

     "Are we talking about the same Dee Laytner?"

   "The one and only,"

       Picking himself up, the blond man was having a hard time imagining Dee riding gracefully on a horse. Somehow, picturing Dee making a fool of himself on a horse was a much easier task. 

    Smiling at his own contemplation, the girl couldn't help but to be curious at the detective's behavior, "What is so funny?"

      "I'm sorry, but it's hard for me to imagine Dee riding on a horse,"

    "What is so hard? Why don't you take a look for yourself?" The girl gestured for Ryo to look out the balcony as she extended her hand to help him on his feet. Accepting her invitation, the blond man strode over to the balcony where the sun shone brightly above his head and scent of fresh green grass swept along with the cooling wind.

       "Here he comes!" cried the girl excitedly, pointing in the direction of vast ocean of green grass afar.

     Ryo squinted his eyes to see what the girl saw. He could hardly catch his breath if not more, when he caught sight of the man riding on the black stallion. Stunningly clad with a black vest over a white long-sleeve shirt and matching sleek black pants, Dee looked so different from his usual self. His raven-hair weaved to the current of the wind as he rode at the speed of a racing horse. The visibility of his greyish-green eyes spawned an irresistible attraction that drew the detective towards the other man like a magnet.

     But a tide of sadness came over the man. Never taking his eyes off the man he called his lover, he asked softly, "Who is that man?"

      "What are you talking about? That is Master Dee Laytner! Your partner and lover!!" exclaimed the girl angrily.

      "Then, why do I feel so distant from that man? Why do I feel as though I no longer know this man? ... Who is he? He may look like Dee but he's not the Dee I knew..."

      Sighing softly, the girl knew that she couldn't blame him for feeling that way. If she were in his position, she would too, feel the distance in between. After all, the complexity of her master's past wasn't something anyone could accept so easily. Even her relationship with her master had kicked off with a rocky start. It was hatred that led her to him, but in the end, she loved and adored the man for who he was, - forgetting entirely of her grudge toward the man.

        "Master Dee is a man with much complication due to his past. It isn't my place to tell you about his past, - only Master can. But what I can tell you is that he is a good man, and he loves you very much. For the sake of your love, for the sake of his love, - believe in him. Everything he does may not seem right, but if you look within, you'll find the reason to believe that what he does is right..." replied the girl. And for the first time, Ryo took a good look at her. Mentally kicking himself, he couldn't believe he actually overlooked such ravishing beauty. Lengthy dark-brown hair danced to the rhythm of the wind as those complementary brown orbs looked over her master with admiration.

      "Why do you call Dee your master?"

    Taken aback by the suddenness of his query, she looked away blushing in soft shades of pink, but sorrow filled her eyes, "I was only fifteen when my parents were murdered before my very eyes. I saw the killer and he saw me as well. But instead of killing me along with my parents, he looked me in the eye and told me to run before his accomplice saw me. It was in those eyes I saw sincerity and remorse, the compassionate feelings that an assassin should never have, but he did. I never forgot those eyes or the face of my parent's murderer. It took me two years to track the man down to this place and it didn't take me long to get access into this manor. 

    I was in this very room, this very balcony when I attempted to kill the man who killed my only family. But do you know what he told me in the mid of my ambush? Without turning his back, he told me to stab through his heart and anywhere else I like, and promised not to fight back. However, under the full moon that shone above us, my hands trembled for I could not kill him. Unconsciously, I have grown attached to the man. It wasn't love but adoration with respect for him. The knife fell from my hand and I fell onto my knees crying for his forgiveness. But instead, he held me close to his chest, asking for my forgiveness in return. 

     Ever since then, I have been by his side, serving him in every way possible. He, who killed my parents, who earned my respect and recognition is none other than your partner, your lover, - Dee Laytner..."

     Swallowing hard, Ryo was having the hardest time of his life digesting the information poured into him all at once. One minute he's a killer, the next minute he's her master. Could something this illogical get anymore bizarre?

      A light rap on the mahogany door attracted the girl's attention almost immediately, "Come in," she invited.

     "Rikei, Master wishes for your presence in his studies," informed a girl younger than the one standing next to him. 

    "Tell, Master that I will be there shortly," she replied proficiently with a warm smile.

    "You're part oriental?" Ryo asked.

        "Can't you tell by looking at me?"

    "Not really..."

         "I have the Asian dark brown hair and the color of my eyes rivals yours..."

    "Japanese?"

            "Close, but no. Don't be fooled by my name. I'm a 100% Chinese, born and breed in Shanghai. But for the past six year, I have spent my life here in Shadow Manor, home to Dee Laytner a.k.a. Shadow, - Division of International Espionage's highest ranking assassin..."

Author's note²: If you want to know more about DIEs and Dee's past, read the next chapter!!


	7. I should have I could have

Author's note: Ok, I know some of you are feeling a little confused. I have prepared a short list of OOC in the story at the bottom, - if that would be any of help to clear the confusion... Anyway, hope you like it!! Don't forget to R & R!!  
Disclaimer : None of Dee's past is based on the real story as  
drawn in Sanami Matoh's FAKE. It's entirely imaginary. I-M-A-G-I-  
N-A-R-Y!!  
  
Chapter Six: "I should have...I could have..."  
  
Tending to her master's request for her to join him in his study hall, Rikei had long left the man to reflect the matter on his own. Flexing his body inwardly towards the banister while resting his arms on the marble railings, Ryo propped up an arm to rest his chin on the back of his palm as his midnight-black eyes looked out into the azure-blue sky but his mind wandered far into a world of his own. Sighing with despondency weighing from the heart, his slender fingers raked through his blond tresses as thoughts swam across his messed-up mind.  
'I thought I knew this man... I thought I knew all there is to know about him... but it seems that I am wrong to think that all this while as his partner/lover I would know this man completely, - because I don't... Pieces of information gained as the passing hours drift by gradually draw us apart, detaching every link I have for the man. The finer details supplemented by associates of his past contradicted with everything I know of the man...And I cannot discard the uncertainty felt within that I am slowly losing the man I love to a complete stranger...'  
Soft knocks on his doors startled the occupied detective with a small jump.  
"Come in," he called out.  
"Good afternoon, Detective MacLean," said a man of his mid-twenties as he walked through the mahogany door with a tray of Darjeeling tea in his hand.  
"Good afternoon..." Ryo replied hesitantly.  
"I'm Master Dee's personal assistant, Thaddeus Theodore," self- introducing as he set the tray down on the coffee table out on the balcony with a warm smile.  
"Or commonly known as Teddy," added a female voice mischievously, popping out form the man's back.  
"Rikei!" Thaddeus exclaimed, startled by her mysterious appearance.  
"Li Kay!!" she corrected irritably, "For the last time, Teddy... my name is Li Kay, not Rikei! Sheesh!!" slapping lightly on her forehead, "I don't know why I even bother to correct any of you anyway. It's not as if it will make any difference."  
"I'll call you Li Kay if you promise not to call me Teddy anymore, agree?" Thaddeus said without looking at her as he continued pouring Ryo a cup of tea.  
"That is totally out of the question! I've been calling you Teddy ever since the first day. You are practically asking me to break it out of my habit,"  
"Look, Li Kay... I don't have time for this right now. Can't you see that I'm tending to the guest here?"  
"And for a minute there I thought you've forgotten about your duty," added a stern voice from the shadow of the room as he stepped into the light.  
"Master!" the two younger individuals in the room exclaimed with astonishment. "Dee!" exclaimed the blond officer nonetheless.  
Fixating his dark green eyes on those two, he walked over to Thaddeus with annoyance written on his façade, "There is no need for the both of you to pretend. I may have been away for five years but that doesn't mean I don't know what goes around in this household. So, either you guys polish your act to make your bickering look real or quit the surreal act, or start doing what couples does. And to start with, go get yourself a room. I believe the manor have more than enough rooms for you to 'do' whatever you want," Dee said with a grin, causing the younger two blush in shades of dark crimson.  
"Master!" Li Kay cried out embarrassedly.  
"If you're done here, Li Kay, Madam Bouvier needs you in the kitchen... something about the mackerel being rotten. You left it unattended again, didn't you?" Dee said, hinting heavily on her mistake.  
"Ah!! Jim!!" the nineteen-year-old girl cried as she rushed out the room hastily.  
"She named the foods again? Please don't tell me we're having cuisines named after 'dead-but-edible' creatures...again," Thaddeus groaned at the thought.  
"Well, it's not like it's something new. Li Kay has been doing that ever since," Dee shrugged carelessly.  
"God! Every time she does that, it makes me almost guilty for eating those cooked livestock. I can barely go through with prayer! Imagine praying; - thank you God for blessing us with these foods, thank you Jim for dying so that we can eat you! Ugh!! I'm already feeling sick just by thinking of it. And as per usual, I will end up having bread with butter for dinner..."  
"Well, good luck surviving tonight. I was at the kitchen a while ago and Madam Bouvier informed me that we'll be having Tom, James, Linda and Mary for dinner,"  
"And that is supposed to make me feel better?"  
"Nope. Just notifying you beforehand that you might have to prepare two loaves of bread for tonight,"  
"Master! I can't go on having bread for dinner each night!"  
"Unless you have a way of stopping Li Kay from naming the foods, you either put up with it or continue having bread for dinner,"  
"Master, you have got to stop spoiling her!"  
"Why don't you stop her for me?" hinting mischief in his voice, Dee watched his assistant turned red as a tomato.  
"Master!!" Thaddeus exclaimed in awkwardness.  
"Ok...ok...! I'll speak to her. But I doubt it's going to make any difference. After all, it is Li Kay we're talking here. She can be pretty stubborn when she wants to,"  
"You don't have to remind me," replied the weary assistant as he massaged his furrowed forehead.  
"Enough about her. Come to my studies once you've finished your tasks here," Dee said authoritatively.  
Just as he turned his back to leave, Ryo called after him, "Dee! ...Can I have a word in private with you?"  
Not flinching from where he stood, "Ted, leave us," he told the younger man.  
"I'll be in the studies if you need me," Thaddeus said as he excused himself from the room.  
Drawing up a chair from the coffee table, Dee sat with his leg crossed over the other while he waited for the other man to take his seat across the table.  
"It's always chilly around this time of the year. You should stay inside where it's warmer. Moreover, you were drugged by Raven so naturally, you should stay in bed, resting. I can get Li Kay to tend to your every need without having to move you around..." he said indifferently though his voice hinted otherwise but Ryo cut him short.  
"Dee, that's not what I want to speak to you about!"  
"Then, what is it?! What is it that you want?!! Goddamn it, Ryo!! I've told you before not to ask!" the man snapped back at his lover.  
"And you expect me to sit around and do nothing but wait for answers to come knocking on my door?! Well, sorry to disappoint you, I can't do that!!"  
"Then, what is it that you want to know?! What is it that you want to hear?!"  
"What I want hear is the truth, Dee... I want to know your past...Is that too much to ask for?"  
Concealed beneath his long black bangs, he squeezed his eyes shut to restrain spilling of tears, "... Damnit!" he cursed under his breath, "I'm a killer, - a bloody, cold-hearted bastard who kill others for a living!! Is that what you want to hear?!!" Slamming his fist hard on the elliptical glass table, Dee stood from his seat curtly as he contained the anger from exploding, "I'm not the saint you thought I would be but the devil who feeds on other's life, who does Satan's bidding nevertheless... I'm a monster in the form of a human, a man not worthy of your love..."  
As Dee began to walk away, a hand stretched out and held the man's arm firmly, "I can't tell you that I can ignore your past, because I can't... I can't ignore a part of your life that has been there... But neither can I ignore the love I have for you. So stop treating me like every one else because I'm not like every one else... I'm your lover! Anata boku wa no koibito desu..." The black orbs in that man's eyes softened with empathy as he pulled the man close to him, - whispering the last few words with intense sincerity over his aesthetically low voice into Dee's ears.  
Fiery diminished along the tide of his lover's velvety low voice, - in exchange for the warmness of love that surged his heart. As overwhelmed as he should be, Dee couldn't bring himself to smile for the love he had always wanted. Instead, darkness clouded the inner orb of the smoke-green eyes.  
"I'm no longer the same old Dee, no longer the Dee Laytner, you know. Nothing good will ever come to you if you stay with me..."  
"When has it ever?" Ryo rhetorically asked back with a smirk as he led the both of them back into the bedroom.  
"You don't want to do this..." Dee said indecisively. Defiance against his heart's wishes was utterly useless with Ryo's hands expertly removing Dee's black vest.  
"For once, I want to do this..." the blond man whispered sensuously despite the crimson shades that crept into his cheeks.  
Arching his head closer till their lips were only inches apart, Dee whispered back hoarsely, "God... I want you...I want you bad..."  
"Then, take me..." swallowing hard, the voice of his sanity drowned in lust as he added affectionately, "...take me in, Dee..."  
At convergence of their lips, he could feel his lover melting into the succulent softness of the kiss. All sensible deliberation had dissolved into nothingness as Ryo's tongue tried to probe through Dee's lips, only to be taken by surprise when the dark-haired lover darted his tongue first into the other's mouth. Entwining, interweaving their tongues together, Dee delved into every corner and marked his claim without mercy. The flaxen man moaned pleasurably, allowing the other man to do as he pleased. Torturously, Dee nibbled and sucked his lover's lower lip till it became red and swollen.  
He was so close to losing into his maddening hunger for sex when Ryo's hands explored around the hardening bulge hidden beneath his skin- tight black pants. However, at the moment his blond lover laid his hands on the zip, preparing to ease the man's length from the constriction, Dee broke off the kiss abruptly, practically tearing himself away from the addiction and detached himself from the other's embrace.  
"Dee..." Ryo called out faintly with hints of query between gasp for breath. He tried to reach out for the man's shoulder, hoping that he would turn around and hold him in a warm embrace, but instead Dee slapped Ryo's hand off his shoulder.  
Hurt by his coldness, tears brimmed on the verge of shedding, "Don't do this to me, Dee..." he pled.  
"God! Either you're delusional or I am because there is no way in Hell this is ever gonna happen!"  
"I'm not delusional and neither are you! This is happening because I want you as much as you want me!!"  
Silenced by the truth in his statement, Dee tightened his grip around the forearms as his body trembled violently. Wrapping his arm around the man's middle, Ryo rested his head on Dee's broad shoulder, "Dee... You mean the world to me... You're everything to me... I don't want to lose you to some past that has returned to haunt you...Please, Dee..."  
Turning to face his lover's heartfelt gaze, Dee lowered his eyelids till the dark green eyes hid beneath to savor another dip into the sweetness of his lover's lips. Not ceasing the intensity that grew in the kiss, Dee led Ryo one step at a time, back to the king-sized four-poster bed before unceremoniously threw him back on the soft mattress.  
Breathing heavily as he locked his gaze on his lover's jet black eyes, "Make love to me?" asked the man, laying himself on top of the other man. Taking gulps of air, Ryo spread his arms and legs wide as an open invitation for the man to take him wholly.  
"God! I love you..." moaned the raven-haired as he rested his entire weight on his lover, worshipping every inch of Ryo's flesh with kisses.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was not until seven in the evening, when the blazing sun was on the periphery of the horizon; - had Dee finally exhausted his lover with a long but well-deserved love-making as though there were no tomorrows. Without waking the sleeping figure next to him, he slipped his arm from the man's waist, - caressing his lover's smooth and fair skin along the way, nonetheless. Lifting his upper body to rest upright against the headboard, the ebony-haired master of the unexpectedly grandiose mansion smiled as he stroke the fine blondish brown hair of the man he could never win over despite the riches that flooded his Swiss account nor the power vested in him as an invisible killer. In the presence of the man he loved, none of these seemed to matter anymore because the world ultimately fades away into oblivion in the comfort of each other's arms. Undeniable, the compelling force of love has proven to be stronger than any power in this world.  
Twitching a little as his lover traced his smooth jaw line feather- lightly with his index finger, Ryo stirred under his affectionate touch though his eyes could hardly open.  
"Dee?"  
"Did I wake you?"  
Shaking his head slightly, Ryo pushed himself up a little to position his head on Dee's bare chest as he listened to the stead heartbeat of his lover. Instinctively, the other man enfolded one arms around him to secure the man from slipping off.  
Fondling with loose strands of blond, he took a sharp intake of breath, "...I was afraid of what you would think of me if I told you about my horrid past..." Dee's words alone had caught the other's attention immediately as Ryo picked up his head to look closely at his lover, "... I was afraid that if you knew, you would leave me... and I would lose you...That's why I kept it from you... that is why I didn't want you to know..."  
"...Dee, you're not going to lose me... I'm here, with you forever more..."  
Looking sadly into the pool of dark orbs in Ryo's eyes, a small but sincere smile carved on the man's face, "Thank you..."  
Snuggling closer to the warmth of his lover's embrace, Ryo smiled contentedly as he waited patiently for Dee to unravel the yarn of his past.  
"Naïve as a kid, innocent as a newborn infant, I was an extraordinarily curious in my growing years. Little things catch my interest and I make it my business to know. Maybe it was this bad habit I have, that drew me into the web Raven had prepared to trap me in with... As though it happened yesterday, I recalled everything clearly till the very last detail. I was a rookie, fresh graduate from the academy when Raven had laid his eyes on me at an on-field shoot-out. With the authorities endowed in him, he removed me from the precinct in a flash and I was told that I was reassigned to work for a government force. Of course, being the dense idiot I have always been, I did as I was told without asking anymore than I should.  
DIEs, abbreviation for Division of International Espionage, - is a secret government organization that does the dirty bidding as indicated by the Elders, governors of DIEs' every operations and activities. Raven was one of them until I came along. He was the best DIEs had to offered but being at the top, he was restricted from coming in contact with anyone, for all identities of Elders are kept from others' knowledge. Hence, all because I need a more adequate mentor, he gave up his place with the Elders with a death vow to secrecy. If he was found guilty for betraying them, Raven's head would roll off his shoulders in no time.  
I spent three month training with weapons, martial arts and heavy artilleries under the attentiveness of Raven. Working with Raven in those days had created an unsaid bond between us, - somewhat like father and son. He was the second closes person to a father after Jess, and for that, I really respect that man..." Dee took a moment to himself as a shuddering breath escaped his lips. It was in those greyish green eyes that Ryo saw the heart-rendering guilt concealed deep within the orbs as tears welled and slid down his burning cheeks. But he made no move to hide his emotions.  
"From a newbie, I grew to a full-fledged imperialist or assassins as you call them, within three months of my training. The Elders had taken a liking for me and more often than not, I was sent on major operations with two partners of mine, - knives-expert, Alex and the beautiful and charming but nevertheless, lethal with a sword, Shuro Kazue..."  
Abruptly interrupting the man, "Was... is she your first love?" he asked unsteadily, trying not to sound too insecure.  
"I loved her alright, but not the kind of love I have for you. What I had for her was a brother-sisterly kind of love... Kazue was one of the few prodigies in this world who absorbs knowledge faster than any normal human. And because of this, she was often mistaken for a cold and uncompassionate person, but only fools would fall for her cold-exteriors. No one could blame her for being indifferent. She was only ten when she was brought into DIEs and no older than fifteen when she was assigned to be my partner. It wasn't her nature to be sociable hence, at times she was hard to get along with but when once she opened up to a person, Kazue became very much attached, - to me in particular. However... she was killed during an operation due to..." he hesitated, closing his eyes to hinder the guilt that was pouring in the form of tears, "...my recklessness... I should have seen it coming..."  
Holding his lover to comfort the man, Ryo hushed in silent whispers, "It's not your fault... You didn't know..."  
"No, I knew!!" he fought back with anger that built up from guilt, "I knew it from the very beginning that Raven was plotting to kill Kazue and make it look like an accident on the night of the operation! I knew that she would be in danger!! I knew but I wasn't able to prevent it from happening. I even permitted for her to go on the mission herself! God!! I practically sent her to her death!! I should have been there for her! I should have stopped her from going!! I could have saved her... but I didn't..."  
No word to convey, no expression to portray. Utterly speechless as breath arrested in his throat, not being able to breathe as Ryo gazed uncomprehendingly at his guilt-ridden lover.  
  
Author's note²: I know I haven't been writing much about the gang  
back at the 27th Precinct... I know... I miss them, too T.T But  
I promise, they will be back soon ^^  
  
OOC characters of Feign:  
  
Li Kay : (Also known as Rikei by fellow members of the  
household) Shadow Manor's caretaker; - placed fully in-  
charged of everything that goes around in the household.  
(Sorry for the confusion!! I just love her names!)  
Thaddeus Theodore : Dee's personal assistant; - in  
charge of providing Dee with essentials and takes care of  
Dee's private matters and personal monetary transactions.  
^^(I like Teddy!!)  
Madam Bouvier : Shadow Manor's cook.  
Raven : The ultimate baddie in this story.  
Alexandria Chateaubriand : Dee's ex-partner; knives-  
expert  
Jacqueline Chateaubriand : Dee's god-daughter  
(deceased)  
Shuro Kazue : Dee's ex-partner (deceased) 


	8. This I Promise You

Author's note: Omataseita-shimashita! Thank you for waiting! Actually, I've been kinda in a slump lately. I haven't got any ideas what to write. But that is actually not the real case. You see, I sort of lost my thumb drive some time three-four months ago where I stored my works. I practically cried on my friend's shoulder when I couldn't find it anywhere. I was feeling really down for quite a while. And there is also the assignments piled on my desk!! AHhhh!!! (Nightmare!) I cannot express how sorry I am for the delay but I hope you'll enjoy this fic, though I know it isn't much. Thank you for reviewing and love ya all!!

****

****

**Chapter Seven: "This I promise you..."**

Sound of the phone ringing echoed in his eardrum as he waited patiently for someone to pick up the phone.

"NYPD, 27th Precinct. How can I help you?" said the familiarly formal but cheerful voice of their favorite front desk officer.

"Janet, it's me, Dee..."

Before the man could finish, the lady interrupted with overwhelming enthusiasm, "Dee!! Where have you been?! I haven't seen you around for weeks!"

Smiling at her thoughtfulness though she wouldn't be able to see from the other end of the phone, "Missed me?" he teased.

"That is but of course! Everyone here at the precinct misses you like hell! It's just not the same without you,"

The pretense mask he wore fell, revealing the heart-wrenching pain on his true façade upon hearing such comforting words, but the liveliness in his voice remained, "I would believe if it's J.J., Ted, or Drake... or maybe even Chief. After all, I was the 'punching bag' he 'uses' to release his tension. Not having me around would only mean that he would need to find another victim, and I fret for the unlucky prey that would get a sizable earful of Chief's 'lecture'. But nonetheless, I doubt Rose misses me."

"Well, you got that right. Commish was so mad that volcano practically erupted on his head. It was horrendous the way his eyes burned with fury when he called on you to dig into a new case only to find out you were gone on a personal leave for over a month. In addition to your records with that man, he was so close to sacking you on the spot. But good ol' Chief gave in a few good words for you and managed to talk the man out of it..."

"So, he's cool about it?"

"You wished! He was so close to forgetting the whole thing until he realized that Randy was gone, too!! You should have seen Rose boil in anger till his face turned beet red!"

"Though it's a priceless sight, I don't think I ever want to see the day that man gets real pissed off,"

"You got that right! It wasn't pleasant at all to see the Commissioner so outraged. In fact, it was downright horrible,"

"Anyway, it's been nice catching up with you, but I've something really important to speak to the Chief,"

"Oh, sure! Give me a sec," Janet replied, followed by the soft buzzing sound and phone ringing till a gruff voice finally filled the other line.

"Smith," said the man impatiently.

"Chief, it's me..."

"Dee! You son-of-a-bitch! Where are you? Do you have any idea how much trouble you got me into?!! And where is Randy?!"

"A month sure hasn't changed you much, huh? Still the same ol' badger..." Dee laughed half-heartedly over the cordless phone as he stood up from his desk and strode over to the French window, twice the size of the man.

"Quit yammering and answer my question already!"

Inhaling sharply, "I'm back in Massachusetts, - Shadow Manor to be exact. Ryo's with me," he replied bluntly.

"Shadow Manor?! As in the private property you own on the outskirts of Massachusetts? As in the mansion you left five years ago? What the hell are you doing there?"

"Raven raided Ryo's place two nights before. He knew I would be close by, that is why he choose to ignore my decoy apartments in New York and Manhattan, and went after Ryo instead,"

"Raven isn't a fool, Dee..." reprimanded the elderly man gravely.

"That is why I want you to send someone over to get Ryo the hell out of here before Raven decides it's high time to pay me a 'visit'."

"Then, tell me again why the hell are you seeking refuge where Raven would most likely to search?! Dimwit!"

"Because it's not New York," the dark-haired man said emotionlessly, - his voice carried no feelings in every word said though the smile had long faded into sorrow frowns.

"Of course it's not New York, you idiot! Did Raven fry your brains on your last rendezvous, because all of a sudden you have turned from an idiot to brainless!!"

"Chief, that wasn't what I was referring to..." heaving a sigh, "In NY, I am Dee Laytner, - detective and Ryo's full-time partner. However, other than NY, I'm Shadow, - full-time government assassin, - a heartless killing machine. That is why the confrontation between my past and Raven has to be done on past grounds, - grounds that knows me as Shadow and not Dee Laytner..."

"So, what you're trying to say is that you want to settle you score of your past in your past?"

"I'm through running from Raven or DIEs... I'm sick and tired of having to dodge them like bullets every time they come chasing after me. I don't want to be controlled by them all the time whether directly or indirectly. I want a life, Chief, - a life without them. But I can never have one if I don't settle this dispute first. On this ground, I want to make a stand for myself,"

"That is why you want me to get Ryo out of there,"

"I want Ryo out of harm's way before Raven comes for me, and I want him out a.s.a.p."

"And you think that partner of yours can be persuaded so easily?"

Scoffing a short laugh, "Ryo is no where near easy... but for his sake, I will make him leave."

Deafening bang of the door opening abruptly startled the raven-haired man, only to drop his gaze from the silhouette standing at the entranceway.

"Even if it means hurting me, you still want me to leave?!" cried the voice of the man he loved so dearly with heavy accusation and disappointment.

Unable to ignore his lover's unexpected presence in his studies, Dee continued his conversation with the Chief in soft whispers, "Just get someone here. I'll take of the rest."

"Dee, you may reserve all rights to protect that man, but you don't have any rights to stop the man from loving you. And loving someone as idiotic as you mean sacrifices beyond imaginary... I will send some men over but I whole-heartedly expect for them to return empty-handed," the line was cut off before Dee could say another word.

"Damn!" he cursed under his breath.

"Why, Dee? Why?! After last evening... after all that we've been through... you still want me out of your life. Why?!" demanded the blond officer as he advanced forward reluctantly with every step binding heavily to the carpeted floor.

"I want you to be a part of my life! I want you to be a part of Dee Laytner's life!" he shouted back in return but the anger faded as he turned from his lover. He couldn't look at the man with the present façade for he could no longer hold up the charade with his inner barricade threatening to fall apart.

His voice softened with dejection, grinding on his teeth as he concluded, "But I don't want you to be a part..." inhaling a shuddering breath, "...a part of Shadow's life..."

"But you are Shadow! You are a part of Shadow as much as Shadow is a part of you! You can't just go deleting your past!!"

"Somehow I wished I could!! ... Better yet, I wish I never had that life!! Damnit! Can't you see?!"

"No, I can't see!! I can't see why I keep getting push around like some unwanted toy!! For crying out loud, Dee! I'm human, - flesh and blood!! I have feelings, too!! So stop treating me like I have none!" hollered the flaxen man angrily.

"Alex stabbed through you, Raven drugged you... haven't you had enough of life-threatening situations to last you a lifetime?! God, either you're too goddamn dumb or I'm too darn smart to see that your life is always on the verge of death every time you stay close to me! I'm fucking jinxed, - destine to bring death to people around me!!" trying to keep his composure, Dee's breathing rapidly pick up pace as he breathed uneasily to subdue his rising temper. He swallowed down his dry throat as he tightened his eyelids together, preventing anymore emotional outbreaks, "I love you, Ryo... and because I love you so much, I'm not willing to watch you die before my eyes..."

"And you think I'm willing to watch you die?!"

"I don't have plans for you to stay long enough to see any of this!"

"And you expect for me to respect the sentiments?! You expect me to leave at times you need me most?! Well, for your information, Dee Laytner, - I will not run, I will not leave even an inch from your side despite the fact that death was so close to claiming my soul. It may be your desire for me to leave but it is my wish to stay," the unwavering steadfastness in his voice rang throughout the spacious study hall with the utmost persistence to stay.

Forcibly drawing open the top draw of the mahogany desk, Dee stormed up to the other man with a revolver in his hand. He shoved the gun into Ryo's hand with gravity in his eyes, "Here's an automated, fully-loaded. If you refuse to go, then I suggest you pull that trigger and sent a bullet through my thick skull! Because I rather die than let you witness the cruelty of a cold-blooded killer that I am!! I want that part of me to be out of your sight! I don't want you to see the emotionless façade I wear as I shoot the lives out of people who were once my comrades! I don't want you to see the devil that resides in me taking pleasure in licking the blood-tainted hand, - tasting the bitterness of other's blood shed with pain!!"

"You know as well as I do, I'll never pull that trigger!!"

"Then, leave... I couldn't protect Kazue at the time of her death and I have been bearing the guilt ever since. Don't let history repeat itself... I swore that I will shield you from all harms... I will not let you die the same way I let Kazue die..."

Ryo advanced forward, closing the gap between them, "I will stay but I will not die. I will not let you bear the guilt of my death therefore, I will not die. History will not repeat itself... This I promise you, Dee..." he whispered softly into his lover's ears as he rested his head on the curve of his neck.

Impulsively, Dee's arms found their way around slender waist of his ravishing other half. Sometimes it puzzled him how surprisingly fitting his arms felt embracing the man or how comforting it felt to hold the man close to his own chest.

"I'm a pathetic man, do you know that, Randy Ryo MacLean?" he said as his hands reached to stroke the blond tresses.

"Oh? Why is that?" Lifting his head, jet black eyes searched for an answer within the dark-green orbs.

"Because I'll never be able to win over you..."

Smiling under the half-closed eyes, Ryo raised his head just slightly below the other man's lips, "I'm cursed with an irresistible charm..." he teased as their lips met and locked with one another in a passionate kiss.

"You gotta be kidding?!" Dee exclaimed incredulously when Thaddeus came knocking on the door to his extensive study hall, - informing him that a group of five had arrived from the Big Apple.

"There is no reason for me to kid you, is there, master?" replied the man with exasperated politeness.

Scrambling off his leather chair from behind the desk, the man dashed past his most trusted assistant and out the door where he found himself standing on the top of the majestic marble stairs.

Mouth opened agape as he blinked twice to make sure that it wasn't a nightmare, but neither of them went away. All five of them were still standing in the middle of the chandelier lit lobby, awed by such lavishness of wealth. 'All FIVE of them!' his mind repeated with heavy hints of exaggeration.

Sighing inwardly, he hung his head in defeat, 'Might as well get this over with.'

Straightening himself, Dee awkwardly cleared his throat, drawing everyone's attention towards him.

"This is all a dream, right?" J.J asked unbelievingly as he continued scanning the priceless artifacts that embellished the hall.

'No, J.J. this is a nightmare,' sarcasms were at the tip of his lips, but after a short inward debate, he chose not to voice out his mockery. Some things were better off unsaid.

"You don't really own this, do you?" Ted asked uncertainly.

"I wouldn't even want to start debating with you on that. But as the master of this household, I do owe you all the warmest of hospitality. So, welcome to my humble domain..." Dee smirked as he took one step at a time, down the stairs.

"Care to explain, Laytner?" Rose inquired demandingly.

"Commish, I would never have expected to have you as a guest in my home. All of a sudden, I feel honored to be graced by your presence," being his old self, the raven-haired man teased his superior despite the fact that Rose was on the verge of breaking out in fury.

"Anyway, let me lead you guys to the parlor," the latter said grinningly as he gestured for his P.A. to open both doors to the regally furnished living hall.

Pairs of eyes widen with bewilderment at the sight of the magnificent hall room as they examined up-close.

"Where the hell do you find so much money to get yourself a place like this?" Diana asked with slight admiration and half-mockingly.

'Sorry, Diana. As much as I would like to share this little secret with you, some things are just meant to be personal,' thoughts ran through his mind as he smiled with a careless shrug, "It just came to me."

"And you expect us to believe that?" Drake intervened.

'I don't, because even I, myself find that it's unbelievable,' "It's true, - not," toyed the man as he took the seat on the leather armchair with his back against the sunlight through the window.

"You owe us all an explanation, Detective Laytner, - big time," Rose warned in a dangerously low tone.

A soft dejected smile carved on the raven-haired's face as words began to form on those soft tender lips, "Too bad, Commish. I've handed in my..."

Dee was about to inform them of his resignation when his lover walked in on them, panting in relief that he made it in time to stop the man from saying more than he should.

"Ryo!!" the gang exclaimed shockingly, especially J.J. who seemed as though he was about to faint.

"I got here as soon as I was told that Dee had visitors from NY," said the flaxen detective with all smiles. Dripping crystal clear droplets from the end of his blond strands were evidently clear that Ryo had just got out of the Dee's elaborated bathroom. Faint scent of sandalwood filled his lover's nostrils as the man moved closer to the seated man.

"How was the Jacuzzi?" the midnight-haired man asked lovingly to his other half while lifting his chin closer to the man's chest to get a distinct whiff of his lover's new-found fragrance.

"Utterly relaxing. Not too warm... not too cold..." he teased and allowed his words to trail as he bent over to reach for a kiss.

Diana lifted a brow and grinned like a Cheshire cat at the sight; Ted moaned with disgust although it wouldn't be the first time for him to watch two men smooching around like nobody's business; Drake rolled his eyes and smacked his head as he waited for his partner's whining but instead, J.J. chose to melt and fall down on his knees with defeat that he had lost his Dee-sempai to Ryo; but the least expected reaction among them was Rose, who froze on the spot like a hardened rock as cold wind of loneliness swept by. Man, Dee loved the tormented feeling their Commissioner was receiving.

'That'll teach you not to mess with my man,' Dee sneered at his own thought and Ryo didn't need to ask what was on the other man's mind to know why he felt so happy. Feeling an immense contentment, after all those turmoil, he finally got the long-awaited smile from Dee. Yes, this was Dee Laytner, - not Shadow.

Author's note² : I'm really a pathetic writer, ain't I? I make them fight and then, with a kiss, they make up... T.T Please tell me what you think about the story. Onegai-shimazu!!


	9. Tell Me One Last Time

Author note: Wow! I can't believe that _I'll Be There_ got so many reviews! Thank You! I love you guys! Arigatou! Anyway, back to _Feign_. So, I hope you'll enjoy it!

**Chapter Eight: Tell Me One Last Time …**

_Clear reverberation of the clock chiming at the stroke of midnight__denoted the unnerving silence that besieged the manor, complemented with the darkness that devoured the all radiance of the night. No glittering stars in the sky, no moon hung high to light the hours of darkness; unadorned gloom was all there was to offer that night. Darkness was all around him and yet, he felt not the discomfort, - instead, he embraced it as his equivalent, his counterpart. At one point in his life, darkness seemed so natural around him, but after a long dismissal from these feelings, consenting himself to accept it once again only generated an unharmonious feeling of surrealism. There were no rejections simply because he knew that he would not win without calling forth the proficiency of his darker other half. But exactly who was he fighting against? Raven? Imperialist of DIEs? Or himself? Did he want to defeat DIEs and Raven or his past? But could he ignore, or even remove his past from his memory? Or was he condemned to shoulder the sins of his past forever? And above all, what will be the result at the end of the confrontation?_

---

Ryo stuck his head into the colossal study hall, "Dee…?" he called out for his loved one, uncertain of the other's presence in the room. Silence greeted him in return. The flaxen man was going to turn his heels and look for his lover in the other rooms, when he saw streaks of white smoke wisp coming from a dark corner of the dimly-lit room.

Stepping into the room and closing the distance between them, Ryo made his company known to the dark-haired master of the household who seemed to be oblivious about him being there, "Dee…"

Startled, Dee was deep in his thoughts when he heard his half-Japanese lover called out for him, "Um…" he blinked unfocusedly before training his compelling green eyes on the former, "…what is it, Ryo?" he asked in return, innocently flashing a heart-melting smile to the man, whom he loved no more than his own life.

Heaving a sigh, Ryo slightly pursed his lips to form a frail smile, "Dee, is something the matter?"

Raising a brow inquisitively, "Is there?" Dee replied with a question, sounding rather suggestive as his lover strode closer.

"Dee… something's troubling you and don't bother denying it. It's written all over your face…" Ryo's soothing voice laced with apprehension but a soft gasp escaped his lips as his obsessive lover stepped into the light. Though lightings in the room were poor, the distinctiveness of his lover's gorgeous features radiated even with the dimmest of light.

'Utterly breath-taking…' was all he had in mind as his pitch black eyes were mesmerized and his body under Dee's hypnotic spell, closed the gap between them. The blond detective intuitively cupped the younger man's left cheek in his palm as his forefinger ran down his lover's smooth complexion.

'God… He's beautiful… How can he be a devil when he is so much more of an angel? Glowing with brilliance, emitting the glow of virtue, yet as delicate and fragile as a glass can be, breaking so effortlessly, - how can he be complemented among the underlings of Devil?'

"Ryo…?" Dee's voice broke all chains of thought running through his head.

"Huh?"

"You were spacing out like a dummy there for a whole minute. I should be the one asking if there's something bothering you," perplexity bore on his façade but softens as he reached out to wrap an arm around his lover. Instinctively, Ryo sat serenely on Dee's lap.

"Dee…"

"um…?"

"You'll never leave me again like before, right?"

Dee chose to be silent.

"You'll be there when I wake up tomorrow, right? You'll be there … tell me that you'll be there…" Ryo's voice trembled a little at the end of his statement, bearing slight fear in his voice.

"I…"

"Tell me I am right… Dee… I need to know that I am right… You'll be there, won't you?" tears brimming on the verge of his weary eyes, threatening to spill.

'_After all that we have been through, he still has this insecure feeling around me. But can I put the blame on him?... No. Instead, the blame should be on me. My presence alone is a threat, my very existence is a sin… I cause nothing but pain to the ones I loved. It's no wonder Ryo's being so apprehensive. I can't give him a reason to have confidence in me… _

_Ryo, my love… I don't want to make empty promises. I don't want you to feel that I have betrayed you… Ryo, I'm sorry…'_

"Ryo…" tightening his embrace over his restless lover, "I love you. No matter what happens, just remember that I love you. You are the only one I love and I will trade my life for you…"

Instantaneously, a finger rest on his lips, "I don't want to hear you say that. Do you hear me!" Ryo said gravely, but the quivering in his voice was far beyond noticeable. A single tear trickled down his burning cheek.

"Hey…" voiced the midnight-haired man softly as he straightened in his seat. His thumb caressed his lover's face softly as he wiped the tear off his face. Looking at his counterpart, eye to eye, jet black to emerald green, - Dee carved a smile at his lover but the persuasion in his eyes was by far more enthralling; it was as though his eyes were telling the other to stop worrying.

"Don't let all those thoughts get to you…" said the raven-haired.

"I know…" resting his head on his lover's broad shoulder, "… I know…" Ryo repeated in a voice so soft, it was barely a whisper.

"Just don't think about it. And everything will be all right,"

Solitary silence prolonged the moments shared between the two men but they were both content in each other's arms.

"Dee…"

"um…?"he hummed inquisitively as he raked the back of his lover's silky blond hair with soothing strokes.

"I love you…" Ryo whispered sleepily.

Dee turned his head slightly, only to find his lover has exhaustedly fallen asleep on his shoulder.

"I love you, too… Ryo… I really do…" he whispered back. For an extended period of time, Dee sat there unmoving with Ryo still in his arms as he listened to the steady rhythm of his lover's breathing.

---

Stepping out of the shadows, "Master… Shall I…?" offered the PA, extending his arm.

"No. It's ok," Dee replied before Thaddeus had the chance to finish his sentence.

"Master…" came another voice, another shadow appeared behind Thaddeus, - someone more frail in built and caring in nature.

"Li Kay, the last thing I expect from you are tears," said the master of the household, but his eyes never left the man who slept unperturbedly in his arms.

"But master…" Li Kay began but was crudely interrupted.

"No buts, Li Kay. I want no arguments before I leave,"

The Asian beauty slumped her back against her lover as she replied mournfully but compliantly, "Yes, master."

"Good," Dee said in return as he lifted the sleeping man and stood from his chair, "I presume that you all know what to do while I am away?"

"We will ensure that everyone gets to safe land as soon as it starts. After we have secured the premises, we will make haste to join you…"

"That wouldn't be necessary, Thaddeus,"

"But master!"

Glaring dangerously at his assistant, "Ted… no buts. You are to take the rest of the members in this household, the guests and yourself to safety. Now, do I make myself clear?"

"Y…yes… master…" replied the latter in averse as he tightened his fist into a ball with his nails sinking deep into his flesh.

Dee was about to leave his study hall when Thaddeus's voice called out to him, "Master… You'll be back, right?... Or even at least try to come back… Please tell me you will…"

The man tilted his head slightly to the left with a faint smile but no words escaped his lips as he carried the man he loved out of the room.

Each step he took, he dragged them with a heavy heart; every breath achingly held as though it was his very last. Dee tried so hard not to turn the separation into another sappy end. Too much of sentimentality has gone through his head ever since Ryo got involved with this whole mess he created. The sadistic conscience of his was laughing in the back of his head, but who wouldn't be ridiculed by the quirk of fate that befell upon him. He, the master of espionage, the bloody killer who flinch not upon killing his prey; - was supposed to heartless.

So, why? If he hadn't got a heart, then where did all these devouring pain come from? What was it that weighed inside of him; if it wasn't his heart that laden with sorrow of departure?

---

The velocity of the wind increased several notches as the helicopter hovering above his head began to descend. And despite standing within the range of the landing point, Dee remained rooted to his spot, - unwavering and unyielding, unafraid of the cataclysmic challenge that would soon impart on him, mainly because a part of him has already accepted his fate destined for him tonight.

His smoky green eyes glint ever so murderously with flaring rage as they trailed each and every darkly-dressed imperialist disembarking the copter while mentally counting their numbers.

'hmm… Not bad. About 150 of them. Raven really look too highly upon me,' he noted as he snickered to himself.

"Besieged by the number?" a gruff voice in the midst of the crowd asked amusingly. The taunting confidence in the voice of the man who was once his mentor was truly unnerving.

"Not really," Dee replied coolly. "But I don't know which to interpret, - do you look upon me highly enough to believe that I can take down 150 alone, or are you insulting your own people that 150 imperialists are needed to take me down?" he mockingly added.

"150? My… Shadow, are your eyes deceiving you?" Raven feigned a shocked expression before a sly smirk graced upon his wrinkled façade. "Take a count again. You might find that you're far off the actual count," he added. With a simple nod of his head, the 150 imperialists multiplied before Dee's eyes as they encircled within 12 feet radius around him.

"These are the finest batch of rookie imperialists, personally polished and trained by yours truly. All 300 of them could rival you in terms of speed and accuracy, so it's pointless trying to outrun them or even think that you can escape from this ring they form because even if they have to die to bring you in, they will; they are programmed to, anyway. So, what will it be? Will they be blood shedding on this equestrian field of yours? Or will you surrender quietly? The choice is yours…"

"Does it look like I have a choice?"

The old man pondered on the question, or at least pretended to take the thought into consideration for a moment, "Not really. The choices of path laid before you are the only two that I've mentioned. There is no detour for you nor could you turn back to the path you once walked in because it's barricaded. Your past barricades that path. So, even if you fight your way through destiny, even if you win this battle tonight, - your path will never see light again. You can only return to the darkness where you belong, if not die and walk into the hands of the devil because the Heaven's door will not open to the man whose hands are tainted with the blood of another."

"Oh, fuck with your preaching!" the midnight-haired man spat out disdainfully, "If it is me you want, then come and get me!"

"Very well. If that is your choice, I will respect it," And with that, Raven snapped his fingers once. The sound echoed in the silent air triggering two things in the process; - one, the battalion of imperialists began to move in and as the ring became smaller, every alternate member hid behind another, creating a two-layered defense. And two, activated the mind-controlling mechanism within Dee.

Dee's agonizing cries resonated in the mid of night, traveling far and wide across his domain as the night wind began to pick up speed.

"Damn you, son of a bitch!" the ex-imperialist cursed through his gnashed teeth as he drew out his customized fully-automated glock in one hand while the other extracted a long Japanese katana. With the pain intoxicating his mind, Dee slashed and shot like an insane man seeking relieve for his madness. Not even the wounds he received could rival the throbbing of his head.

Only a mere figment in his mind gave solace to his battered mind and physique, - Ryo.

'_I never ask for any of this to happen, but it is inevitable. I cannot outrun the fact about who I am, nor can I hide my past from the ones I love. Ever since my departure, my life from there forth is nothing more than an act. And like actors, I played my role well… Probably too well till I managed to deceive the people around me and even myself into believing that I was who I charade as. There was even at one point of time I almost believed that my feign form had a life of its own, far from the clutches of my past. So, I dared myself to love again, to feel as whole again, to let my life be as it was before. But just as love embraced me, just as hope began to shine upon me, giving me a second chance to redeem the life I lose to darkness, - reality crashes back harder than imaginable. And slowly fear overwhelms and I lose concentration to play my role right. Anxiety and trepidation slowly cracks my false mask. Bits by bits it came off, till the mask I wore all the time pretending who I was not, - split open and revealed my true self; the devil hiding beneath an angel's mask. Even though it would mean parting with everything good about my false life, even if I was deprived of the man I love, - I know it was time for me to draw the curtains of my act and return to the darkness where my sinful being rightfully belongs._'

Forgiveness was something he knew he had no rights to ask. But in the midst of battle, it was the only thing he could pray for as the shower of blood rained on him, eliciting the slumbering sinister persona to wake. His senses were slowly blinded by the lust for blood, while his sanity was still desperately trying to hold onto the fading image of his lover. But he knew that it was inept, insufficient to hold back the awakening demon in him.

Frown no longer marred his angular face as an evil grin stretched wider as it relished from the pain inflicted on himself, and the anguish cries of dying adversaries, whom were stupid enough to be played by their master, like puppets on strings.

Like vampires he drank on blood splattered on him, savoring the coppery tang in his mouth. Thus, he discarded his gun that could barely cause wounds big enough for the red cells to spurt like a fountain of life.

'Yup, katana was definitely a better choice,' the cruelty of his alter ego said inside the raven head as the sword sliced mercilessly at his opponent who dared stand in his path.

'…157…189…201…' Numbers of dead adversaries flew by so quickly, Dee was slowly losing count. But by then, not only has the grin on his face grew wider, the madness in his eyes lusting for a kill was more than apparent. His speed increased to the point that six miserable opponents were slaughtered in mere 3 seconds flat.

'_I'm losing myself…or more accurately, I'm losing all sense of humanity established with my feign self. As that fake part of me dies off, so will my conscience… I'm sorry, Ryo… I'm sorry, Ted… Li Kay…But if I return as Shadow… No… There wouldn't be an 'if', I will die first before even allow Shadow back…This is the only way; I know no other…'_

---

300 miles away, far from the sounds of gun shots, clashing of swords, and cries of death, - a blond Japanese awakened with a start, panting profusely as he hunched over.

Fretting for the worst to happen, "Dee…?" he called out warily as his dark black orbs adjusted to the lack of light surrounding him.

"Ryo…" faintly a voice invaded his bleary mind.

In a split second mirage of his dark-haired lover clouded his sight, but as quickly as it came, the fog in his mind cleared; Dee's pretty Asian assistant and her counterpart were looming over her with unfathomable sorrow in their eyes.

"Ryo…" her voice called out to him again, but this time, melancholy was evident to his ears.

"Li Kay… Where's Dee!" he asked frantically, gripping the lady's hand with firmness that hurt.

But the burning pain of the man's hand on hers could not account for the pain that seared her heart. Somehow or rather, she couldn't help cursing her master for putting her in such a position.

"Ryo… I need you to stay calm…" she started but the man barely let her finished when he leapt to his feet, only to find himself at the most unlike place to be.

Hysterically glancing around for a familiar mop of raven, he could find were faces of familiar people, - all but his midnight-haired lover.

"Where's Dee!" the Japanese detective demanded.

But all too soon, a loud blasting sound dulled only by the distance between them reached their ears. Running to a nearby window, Ryo practically glued his face to the glass to peer at the source of the dreaded sound.

And all he could see were flames engulfing the forest that was once his lover's horse's playground. Thick smokes rose with the fiery flames as though they were trying to reach for the sky.

"We need to get out of here!" Li Kay commanded as Ted rushed to the cockpit.

"NO! Dee's still out there!" Ryo cried, loud enough to wake his fellow comrades from their slumber.

Holding the man back from trying to break the glass window, though it wouldn't be possible to do so; but the man could seriously hurt himself if he did try, - the Chinese beauty knew that this was as much as she could do for she, herself wanted nothing more than to leap of this private jet with the man to get to her master's side.

"Ryo! Please…!" she begged as tears silently strolled down her checks. But hers were incomparable to the man's streams of tears that threaded endlessly.

"DEE! You promised, Damnit! You promised that everything will be alright! You promised, GODDAMNIT!"

"Teddy! Take off now!" she cried authoritatively at her lover behind the navigation panels.

"NO!" was the last word Ryo cried out in angst before Li Kay had no choice but to force the man to lose his conscious with a swift chop to the back of his neck.

"I'm sorry… Ryo. I really am…" she whispered softly to the fallen man in her arms as Li Kay fought the tears that threatened to melt her resolve.

---

Author's note: Will I be killed if I end this here? This story is really getting old anyway… But I wouldn't be that cruel… hehe…

Here you have it, the epilogue.

---

**Epilogue: A New Beginning**

- _Ryo's POV_ -

Two years…

Two years of nothingness…

Emptiness…

Lifeless…

Scoffing to the notion most would have in mind, - I must make it known to all that I'm no walking, talking mummy. Sanity is still a part of me, - though not as much as before since…

Tears would still spring to my ebony eyes, - yes, the same pitch black eyes that betrayed my lineage to…

Thoughts alone still pains me. At times, I seriously wished that I could lose all capabilities of thinking, remembering memories shared with…

'God!' I noted pathetically to myself as I lifted my head to the vast blue sky, - an insignificant gesture I would do from time to time unconsciously as though I could speak to God and tell Him personally to stop bugging me, while other times, I would just look up to Him in hope that he would take me away from all the miseries in this world.

I let a small laugh escape my dry throat at the thought and thanked my lucky stars for the lack of another's presence. I knew that if I were to voice out the thought one more time in their presences, J.J. would be more than please to be the one to put me behind the asylum bars.

Picking up my forgotten cup of Darjeeling tea, a flavor I've gotten so accustomed to since the days at the…

Shaking my head lightly as I brought the rim of the china close to my lips, a frown marred my brows as I contemplated on how angry I was with myself for my helplessness. I couldn't even complete a single statement with **_him_** in it!

It was almost as bad as wanting to forget but couldn't! And a bigger headache when I realize that it wasn't my memory bank that was reluctant to depart with those memories, but it was the anchor of my heart.

And that anchor was the reason why I'm still in tune with the world around me, still sensible to be alive and kicking, instead of piling under the dirt, waiting for critters to decompose my body.

That's the reason why I'm here right now, drinking by the café sidewalk, and not rotting six feet under.

"Waited long?" carefully manicured fingers tapped lightly on my shoulder as she made her presence known to my detached attention.

Faltering my wrist a little to gesture for the lady and her companion to seat, "Not really. Just got here myself," I replied casually, hiding my lousy-excuse for solitude behind a hearty smile.

But it must have been a façade too easy to read when the Asian beauty frown at the fakeness I tried to portray. Then again, I was no actor, and most definitely not **_him_**. Somehow, **_he_** had mastered it to the perfection of an art that it was flawless how every time **_he _**had managed to throw all doubts into oblivion with that suave debonair smile of **_his_**.

"You're a lousy liar, do you know that?" she reprimanded off-handedly as she dismissed the waiter without an order.

I rectified nothing. I made no comments to hide from her accusation. She was right. I am an honest-to-goodness freak.

"How have you been, Detective MacLean?" Thaddeus enquired out of good-nature, trying to dissolve the unsaid tension brewing in the silence I invoked.

"Please Thaddeus, I've known you long enough. So, discard the formalities. Randy would do," I replied, stressing lightly on the matter of our familiarity towards one another. After all, they had been acquainted for two years although they hardly see each other, save for major occasions like holidays.

"Ryo…" Li Kay called my name softly with care. But despite how faint it sounded, no matter how feather soft her voice was, - I still winced as though the very name alone sting.

Since then, I had never let another called me by that name. All I hear now these days were, Randy this, Randy that. No more Ryo… for the plain reason I could stand for another to call the name meant for **_his_** and only **_his_** voice to call.

"Ryo…" trying again, she knew that it was going to hurt me with the calling of that name, but before Li Kay could continue, Thaddeus's hand rested softly on hers, giving her a quick squeeze that has managed to hold her back.

I can only stand so much. If she were to say my name one more time, the dam in my eyes would threaten to break loose.

"Randy…" drawing my attention towards him, Thaddeus made an attempt to give me an assuring smile but wavered a little with uncertainty as he went on, "We come to bring you news, - good and bad."

"Do I want to know?" I bitterly retorted. I don't know what has gotten into me to give the poor guy the cold shoulders, but it has definitely got something to do with the _news_ he brings. The last time he said such a thing was when I was told that they were going to have a closed casket funeral for **_him_** since they couldn't find **_his_** body. I mean, how was it a good news that it was a closed casket! How could they even implied that **_he_** was dead! No body means no evidence! I'm a cop, for crying out loud! Everything about my job circles around evidence! So, stop feeding me nonsense without any prove!

"Ryo…"

"Stop!" I snapped at her, "Stop calling me by that name!"

"Will you stop ranting like a five-year old for five minutes and hear what we have got to say! Like it or not; believe or not, - it's up to you but at least let us rely the message and we'll be gone." Li Kay reprimanded exasperatedly.

And I saw it as my cue to keep my comments to myself. I know it's not like me to burst unsuspectingly. But when you live a tired life like mine, you'd realize that death and fury are the two of the many outlets to vent one's grief for this tiresome world. And by sheer luck, today was frustration. Something new, but nothing out of the ordinary. I'm still the walking time bomb.

Leaning against the back of the wicker chair, I tried hard to pose as composed and clear-headed as possible, preparing for the mysterious news. But saying was easier than done. Past experiences had taught me never to relax completely to the offer of good news.

No news is good news; - that's my latest policy.

After much fidgeting with the hem of her baby blue blouse, "It's about Dee," she finally said in a rush.

I held my breath, but I showed no emotions.

"Dee?" I scoffed softly, "I never thought that I would be the one reminding you that you've buried him six feet under."

"Don't tell me that you're still mad at us for that, are you!" Li Kay asked defensively.

"What do you suppose!" I retorted snappishly, "That I should be glad that you buried him with the past!" tears brimmed, "I can't! Not like you guys! I can't just set him aside just because he's…" My voice softened significantly from the initial outburst, "… He may be dead to the world… But until you find his body…" I couldn't continue on as sobs caught my throat.

"Ryo…" guilt-ridden by the sight of my helpless tears, the Chinese beauty rested her palm on mine.

"Don't…" I meant to reprimand, but because of my feebleness, it sounded more of a plea, "…I don't want another to call me by that name… Just him… Only he, can…"

"So, let him…"

Smiled knowingly at my perplexity, both of Dee's personal assistants exchanged a brief look before revealing the little puzzle thrown at me.

"We found him," Li Kay said in a hushed voice. But the big grin on her face depicted perfectly the uncontainable excitement that was roaming for an outlet.

I gasped visibly this time as a silent tear rolled down my cheek. A part of me wanted them to take it back if it's a lie because my heart can only take so much. I consider myself a person with high tolerance, but if they are joking about Dee's existence, only God will know where my sanity will be.

"Detec… Randy," Thaddeus corrected immediately, "… I know what you're thinking. Whether what we say is true, whether it's worth trusting… But please, I beg you to reconsider. Do you think that we will joke about such a thing?"

Absentmindedly, I shook my head.

"Then, please… come with us…"

The light pleading was the last thing I remembered because the next thing I knew, I was standing before a pallid white door, in a ludicrously sanitized institution, - a.k.a. hospital.

It still puzzles me how I got there, but at that time, I couldn't really be bothered.

"Please tell me that behind this door is something I want to see…" I begged softly because as how I see it, things aren't getting any better. Numerous images, unpleasant images played in my head, but I could only pray to the Lord that neither are true.

Their smile wavered, "Randy…" Thaddeus began, "Master… he…"

"Just tell me one thing…" impatiently, I interrupted with a shaky voice, "… just tell that it's not his…" I didn't get to finish my sentence, nor have I the intention of vocalizing my deepest fear. But he got the message, and with a shook his head, I breathed again.

"Then go ahead. Tell me. You've put off the bad news long enough," I tried to sound brave, but I was no doubt whacked inside with fear.

"…" His mouth opened agape like a goldfish, but either I was no longer capable of hearing, or he was deprived of the ability to speak, because nothing was heard, nothing was said.

"Perhaps…" Saving her lover the trouble of looking for the word to describe the situation best, Li Kay forced a smile as she said, "… it's best you find out yourself…"

My black orbs tried to read the hidden agenda beneath their façade, but all I got was sadness dawning in their eyes and a grim smile, - expressions that I would deem ominous despite the supposed reunion.

Deciding not to pry on them further, my sweaty palm took the door knob with utmost precautions.

My heart skipped a beat with every turning click of the lock.

But my heart stopped beating entirely, when my eyes rested upon the resident of the hospital ward.

Wavy dark ebony black tress that cascaded past his shoulder glared sharply to the stray rays of sun that was caught on the healthy shine of his hair. Miraculously, the light dancing on those passionate smoke-green orbs did not hurt his eyes to squint and hide them from the world, because it would be the world's loss not to be graced by those gorgeous eyes.

I can't help but to be mesmerized. I can't help it if I'm rooted to where I was standing.

In his ethereal presence, I can't stop to think that I've died and gone to heaven.

"Dee…" my croaky voice called out cautiously.

His head turned, his brows creased, but offered a refined smile, nonetheless.

"Hi!... Umm… Do I know you?"

If this is a joke, it has gone too far.

I threw my head back at the duo, but their refusal to meet my gaze and the lack of amusement in their forlorn eyes were more than enough to tell me that it wasn't a sick joke played on me.

It was real.

Dee wasn't faking it. He really didn't know me.

He had lost his memories…

My lips trembled, my knees buckled…I tried to stop myself from crying, but tears disobeyed me. And with that, I allowed myself to collapse on my knees.

Shuffling of cloths were heard, but I was too busy crying to register that the patient has approached me.

Prostrated to level his height to mine, "I'm sorry…" he said to me. Though it was the same voice, the same pitch, - the tone was foreign to me.

"Why?" I asked between sobs.

"Because of everything I've done to make you cry… though I cannot remember, the least I could do is say that I'm sorry…" The consolation he offered rendered my heart, but at the same time it pains me to realize that he has no idea what he's saying, no idea what he was doing to me…

And that made tears sprung more than ever.

"Ah!" he exclaimed comically, a sight I don't think one has ever seen the real Dee do, but nevertheless a candid moment, "Don't cry…! I promise that I'll try the best I can to remember what I'm sorry for…"

"Please… please…" I pled, "Don't say you're sorry anymore… You did nothing wrong…" I said, forcing a smile in spite of the streaming tears.

"But I must have done something to make you cry like this!" he protested with disbelief.

"No… nothing…"

The frustrated look on his credulous face was priceless, yet humorous. I would have had my share of laughter if sob hadn't got to me first.

"Ah!" he exclaimed in the same manner again, "You're crying far more than before!"

Scrambling to his feet, he quickly retrieved a box of tissue on his nightstand. But despite how much he had dabbed dry with those plies of tissues, tears were ceaselessly flowing like nobody's business.

"God! I promise I'll do anything! So, please… Please stop crying…"

I must have seemed pathetic in his eyes when he choose to throw his arms around me, enveloping me into a warm hug.

"Whatever it is I've forgotten, I'll make it up to you. We may have lost the past, but we still have the future. We'll just make more memories together!"

His carefree attitude surprises me to no end, an attitude so unlike you. But I guess that's you get when you lose your memory.

Nevertheless, he's right; - the past may or may not be retrieved, but at least we have the future, right?

'Dee…' I pled to the memory of my love in my head, 'Give me strength… Help me through this.'

This compelled smile may not be the best smile, but at least it's a start.

It'll not be easy, but I'll do whatever I can, - to make you fall in love with me over again.

_- fin -_

---

Author's note: Okay, I am cruel… Bwahhhahaha! Love it? Hate it? Please review!

And sorry for the crappy write-style. Somehow, it ain't as good as the opening…

And I also apologize for the OOCness of the characters. Insanity struck me, thus created the nightmarish version of my beloved FAKE chara... -sob-

I'm announcing beforehand that there will not be a sequel for this fic because I think I could not end this anywhere else than this point here. Anyway, I hope you liked it. I can't say that this ending is any good, but hey, - at least it ended, right?


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